“Yeah.” I lean forward.
He looks up again and that hope hammers louder in my chest.
“I was wondering if I could try bottoming for our next lesson?”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Marcello
This is not the first time I have found myself cringing at random moments during the day, but it is definitely the worst case of delayed embarrassment I’ve ever had.
As I make my first coffee of the day at home, I wince. As I open up the café and throw my keys on the counter, I bring my hand to my face, a very literal face palm. And at many, many random times as I serve customers, steam milk, collect dirty plates and have distracted conversations with Chloe, I cringe. It’s no help that my other part-timer calls in sick so I end up working all the way through to closing so I can’t even go home and flinch in peace.
I was filled with a mix of relief and regret when I picked up my phone to text Giles that I wouldn’t make our training session at four because I needed to work late. Regret that I had to do it and then relief because there was already a message from him saying he needed to cancel. With no explanation. Which was fine, totally okay, not at all a problem, other than it has encouraged my mind to wander. To think about him obviously choosing to go for a drink with Tony instead of work out with me. But wouldn’t he have said so yesterday before I left him if that was the plan? Couldn’t he have let me know at some point while we ate dinner and spent the best part of three hours on his puzzle? Why didn’t he just tell me that he texted Tony? Why hasn’t he dropped it into conversation that he changed his mind about Tony? We’re friends, aren’t we?
But then maybe friends don’t have lengthy conversations about bottoming for the first time like we did yesterday. It’s not that I didn’t wantto talk about bottoming – I’ve been thinking about it more than I thought I ever would – but I didn’t want to talk about which douches work the best and what I should eat for forty-eight hours before doing the deed. I wanted to tell Giles how I feel about him, but how could I after seeing thatcazzu dialulutext message from Tony?
I grimace again and this time I don’t even try to hold back the pull and stretch in my features.
“Are you okay?” Chloe asks after she shuts the door on our final customer and locks it. “All day you’ve been making this weird face.”
“It’s a long story.” I sigh as I start loading the dishwasher.
“Well, we’ve got time and no customers.” Chloe does a little twirl in front of me, indicating the empty café floor.
And I have nowhere else to be this evening. No Giles to meet. My stomach plummets and a new wave of hot-cold disappointment washes over me, so forceful I lean back against the counter as if to ride it out.
Fuck it.
“You know when you and Radia first started going out? Dating?”
“Yeah?” Chloe starts lifting chairs on top of tables, ready for mopping.
“Well, you know how she liked you a lot more than you liked her?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, would it have freaked you out if she had told you just how into you she was? Would it have made you run in the opposite direction? Or would it have made you think about her in that way earlier than you actually did?”
She stops moving but keeps the upside-down chair in front of her in her hands. “That’s a good question.”
“Thank you,” I say. My battered ego will take any praise it can get today.
“But it’s one I can’t answer.”
“Oh for fuck’s—”
“How can I?” she interrupts. “I can’t tell you what would have happened had it happened that way because it didn’t happen that way.”
“But can’t you, you know, hypothesise?”
“Not very accurately. And I’m a law student, Marcello. I don’t like to play guessing games. I like dealing with cold, hard facts.”
“Well, my cold, hard fact is that I have feelings for someone but I think I’ve missed the boat to tell them so.”
Chloe’s face softens as a smile grows. “Oh, Marcello. That’s so cool. Who’s the lucky lady?”
“Ah.” I open my mouth as she catches my eye. “It’s not… it’s not a woman.”
