She wouldn’t even let her momma know she’d cried for Miss Higgs, but she trusted Lance.
She’d trust Lance with her life.
She had, in fact. “Can I ask a huge favor?” she whispered.
“Of course.”
“I mean really huge. Like I-don’t-have-the-right-to-ask, bigger-than-anything-I’ve-ever-asked-another-human-soul-before, even-bigger-than-the-bows-my-momma-put-on-my-pageant-dresses huge.”
“If I say yes, do I get to see pictures of those pageant dresses?”
If she wasn’t so terrified he’d say no, she might appreciate the teasing. As it was, the very act of gathering enough courage to ask, of opening up to him even more tonight, was suffocating her. “Will you go to Germany with me?”
His surprised jerk away didn’t surprise her.
But it didn’t give her any confidence he’d say yes either.
“I’ll pay for your ticket, and I’ll buy your meals and everything,” she rushed on. “Iknow it’s asking a lot, for you to take a week of leave to go to Germany, but I can’t—I don’t—I can’t get on that plane. I can’t. Except I think I can if you’re with me. I trust you. I know you can get me there. And I need to go. Ihaveto go.”
“Kaci—”
No. No, that was theI’m going to say novoice. “I’m not asking for forever.” Her voice caught, and she hated herself for it. Because forever with Lance—no, she couldn’t go there tonight too. “I’m just asking for this one little thing. Which I know is a big thing. Because I—I need you. I don’t need anybody, but I need you. I need you to come with me.”
He raked a hand over his hair and blew out a breath. “You don’t need me to go.”
She did.
Hypnosis wouldn’t get her on that plane. Antianxiety meds wouldn’t get her on thatplane. But Lance—the idea of him sitting beside her, holding her hand, promising she’d be okay—he was what she needed to fly. “I do. I need you. I can’t get on that plane if you’re not there with me. You—you fix things. You fixme. Nobody else. Just you.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Kaci, I’m deploying in five days.”
Her whole world crystallized into a fragile sphere dangling at the edge of a cliff. “You’re leaving.”
“You can do this, Kace. You can get on that plane, and you’re going to be fine.”
Rocks broke off the cliff and tumbled into the abyss, and her world teetered with them. Her chest squeezed so hard she couldn’t breathe. Her stomach was screwed tight. Her eyes burned. “You’re leaving,” she said again.
“It’s my job?—”
“You knew.” She pulled back and huggedherself. “You knew you were leaving this whole time.”
Even in the dark, she could see him shifting intocareful with the wounded animalmode.
That was what she was.
A wounded, broken animal. Fighting for survival.
“Never know exact dates until a week or two out, but the rotation’s pretty regular,” he said quietly.
He’d known.
And he hadn’t told her.
Was heevergoing to tell her? Or had he simply been planning on leaving?
Because they weren’t supposed to be here. They weren’t serious. They weren’t committed. They weren’t evendating.
But she loved him anyway.
