“Best part, yeah? Even better than the rain doing all the work of cleaning the bugs off the windshield.”
I don’t know this man.
He’s goofy and a little sarcastic and his hand is warm and his eyes—his eyes are lit up with what I’d call joy in any other person.
I don’t know this man, but Iwantto.
And I can’t.
I just can’t.
But what if I could?
Thunder rolls through the car again as the rain continues its attempt to drown us.
Oliver leans against his headrest and closes his eyes, smile still playing on his lips, hand still resting on my thigh.
It’s definitely not the thunderstorm that has my pulse trying to outrun itself.
It’s Oliver.
19
THERE IT IS—EXACTLY WHAT I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR
Oliver
I never knew laughing could makeme happy.
Not that it was happy laughing.
Not at first.
But by the time the storm has died down enough that it’s safe to drive again, I’m not pissed anymore.
I’m just—I’mhappy.
There’s no chance we’re making it to New Orleans tonight. I’d wanted to see the city one last time—good memories from a college trip happened down there, even if I know in my bones it’s not where I want to live forever—but we wouldn’t arrive until after dark, and I set up my schedule for six to ten hours on the road every day. We’d have to leave early to stay on track.
My plans are wrecked. The reservations at random hotels and rental homes along the way, completely not happening now.
I need to recalculate how to get back on track, and tonight, it doesn’t matter.
Screw it all.
I don’t need to go to New Orleans.
In fact, I planned this entire road trip wrong.
I can’t find magic, I can’t find my future, if I’ve planned every stop with eight or ten hours on the road between stops every day, the same way I lived the life I’m leaving behind.
I thought seeing everything, covering the most miles possible, was the best way to find where I’m supposed to settle into a new life. But it’s not. I’m not seeing the potential in any town for how little time I have to explore, given the schedule I set for myself.
Magic requires spontaneity and trust in the process.
It’s something I’ve forgotten in the past four years, but that I know I need to lean in to now.
So I turn off the GPS, take a right on the first state highway we come across, and I drive.
