So yeah, add paranoia to my list of problems after the break-up.
“Think you’ll still be running the bus in five years?” Daphne asks.
I make a face.
She knows the answer to that question.
And the answer is, I’ve spent my entire adult life taking care of my brothers and a few boyfriends, and I’ve never had to figure out what I actually want for myself.
Ironically, that’s the biggest reason she and I are friends.
Because when we met, neither of us actually knew what we wanted to be when we grew up. In her case, it got her disinherited from a massive fortune. In my case?—
Well, in my case, I just lived with the knowledge that I was a walking, breathing testament to failing my dead parents by not having my life together enough to know what I’d want to do with myself if I weren’t raising my brothers.
That I just went wherever the wind took me, professionally speaking.
Before Jake and our shared restaurant dream, it was Will who worked too hard at the bank, and I switched up my hours at my part-time job at the furniture store so that I could make him dinner and be home when he got off work. Before Will, it was Andreas, who was massively into the outdoors and talked me into not working at all so that we could go hiking or fishing or snowshoeing while my brothers were at school, sinceyou have that insurance money, babe, so enjoy this life for the moments that it is. You’ll figure out more money later if you have to.
And before that, I didn’t date much because I was driving the school bus route for my brothers’ schools and trying to take classes and stressing over what I’d do whenever I finally had the time to figure out what I wanted to do.
So it’s great that I can take free classes at Austen & Lovelace College since my mom worked there for so many years, and I still get occasional calls about filling in for the bus driver who took over after I quit to be a free spirit with Andreas, but I don’t know what I want to do, and so long as I’m running the burger bus, I don’t have to think about what comes next.
Who I am.
What I want when I’m not taking care of everyone around me and executing revenge plans.
Daph fixes a lock of my hair. “So enjoy tonight for what it is.”
“Which is?”
“An opportunity for a professional boost because of a bad thing that happened. Simon Luckwood knowsexactlywhat will happen when photos leak of the two of you. He straight-up toldyou so. And he hasn’t been seen with a woman other than the mother of his children in like a year and a half, and he has to know that means this will be extra big. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, and I can coach you through all the right things to say when you suddenly have customers around the block wanting to know if Simon’s on the bus on any given day.”
“And when people realize we’re not actually dating? That this was a one-time thing?”
“They’ll have tried your burgers and your secret menu items and you’ll continue to flourish all on your own. Seriously, whatever you put in those burgers—chef’s kiss, Bea. And I say that as someone who’s eaten burgers all over the world. You’re gonna rule this town with your burger bus. With yourfleetof burger buses.”
“I don’t want a fleet of burger buses.”
“But what if this turns out to be the best thing you ever did? What if thisiswhat you’re supposed to do with your life? Just because you stumble into something sideways doesn’t mean it can’t fit in the end. Look at me and my job. I had serious reservations when I started because of where the funding comes from, but it’s what I’m supposed to do. It’s what makes me happy. Just keep your mind open to the possibilities, okay?”
“Can I please survive tonight first? Why did I think this was a good idea? Not that your ideas are ever bad. They’re just sometimes more—actually, justmorethan what I’d ever do on my own.”
“The fucker used your family’s story to steal your dad’s legacy.Andhe let you give him money to help pay for it, then didn’t give it back when you broke up. Yourrent paymentsfor living with him, my ass. But again—if you don’t want to go,don’t go. You don’t have to keep torturing yourself with him.”
I don’t.
But I’ll have regrets if I don’t take a public stand aboutsomething, and this opportunity to do it with Simon won’t come up again.
I meet her gaze again while she adjusts my hair. “What if Jake gets extra attention because of this?”
“Jake can’t cook, and there’s zero chance he’s keeping his chef happy. He’s too much of a micromanager, and he can’t keep up hisI’m such a great guyfaçade forever. Why do you think he’s gone through so many assistants at the real estate agency? Eventually, people see through him.”
“Do they?”
She doesn’t answer that. “All Jake’s getting out of this is a temporary boost that’ll fall flat within months, whereasyouare getting the opportunity to prove to people that you’re more than a burger flipper whose ex-boyfriend’s family likes to spread rumors about you. Here. Let me see your eyes again.”
I obediently turn and tilt my head down. “If he’d just opened his own restaurant somewhere else, with someone else’s inspirations…”
