“You’re not invited,” Lana murmurs to me.
“I assumed as much,” I reply.
“That said…if you do pull your head out of your ass and want help, I have my own feelings to avoid.”
“Bye, Dad,” Eddie says. “I’d hug you, but you’re covered in beer.”
“We’ll bring you back some wings if Mum lets us,” Charlie adds. “But for real, you should shower first. It’s always better to be clean when you’re eating.”
“I have missed you twoso much,” Lana says.
Again, I don’t have to open my eyes to know what’s happening.
She’s hugging them fiercely, because she has far bigger problems than mine, none of hers self-inflicted.
As their voices fade, I slowly open my eyes.
What would I be doing with Bea right now if I hadn’t made the worst mistake of my life?
I’d be planning a surprise.
Truth be told, it’s already in motion.
I lift my head.
My brains slosh around inside my head, but I put my hand to my phone, lift it so that I may see the screen, and pull up my email.
I’ve a task that needs completing.
Imminently.
Regardless of the cost.
And then I shall decide if I want to continue with the rest of that plan.
Even though there’s no question.
Of course I’ll finish the plan.
It’s for Bea.
Whether she wants me or not. She should have this.
Because it will make her happy.
And isn’tthatthe point of feelings?
The point of life?
To find one’s happiness?
I don’t need a giant house. I don’t need a pool. I don’t need a huge career.
But I do want to know that I’ve left the people I care about in this world happier than the people who were supposed to care about me ever tried to make me.
Lana’s right.
It’s time I stop wallowing in my own sorrows and start doing something productive.
