Tripp:Lila’s reading habits are sometimes scarier than her having an uncle Guido. I didn’t know the depth and breadth of the romance genre until I met her, and I’m still horrified that my kids might one day find the same books.
Ingrid:Is Davis actually on this group chat? And can any of you focus? Do I have to pull out my mom voice?
Levi:He’s on the chat, and yes, please, use your mom voice. I like your mom voice.
Ingrid:Davis Remington, get your ass into this group chat and explain yourself right now, or I’m returning every one of the books you ordered from my store last week and telling all of my bookseller friends to make you track them down in a library instead. And then I’m telling the librarians you’re coming and not to help you either.
Aspen:Treasures and jobs aside, getting in on this group chat is possibly the second- or third-best thing that’s ever happened in my entire life. Maybe fourth. Definitely top five.
Wyatt:My kid might have a crush on you, but we all need to be quiet while we wait to see if Ingrid’s mom voice worked to get Davis in the chat.
Beck:Unless he’s getting laid if this wedding thing is more real than he’s making it out to be. Or finding a treasure. Can’t deny it—finding a treasure would actually be fucking cool. Like, how often does a guy get to be in a boy band, then be an underwear model, then marry the love of his life, then get the best babies ever, AND find a treasure, all while living in a world where the food is incredible?
Ellie:Cash, how far are you from Davis’s place? Beck’s in happy land. We need someone who’ll be a little harder on him.
Sarah:I’m ten minutes away too. And I still have the taser that convinced Beck I was the love of his life.
Ellie:Sarah, I love you, and I will never not love what you’ve done with your taser, but as Wyatt pointed out, Davis has been in martial arts classes since he was like three.
Beck:So has Sarah. She just doesn’t talk about it so that if it’s necessary, nobody sees her coming.
Aspen:Top four. Definitely top four things to ever happen in my life. Cash and I are on the tarmac in New York. Taking off soon to head back to Copper Valley since we don’t actually have to be in New York until this weekend, but it’ll still be a few hours before we can be there.
Sarah:I’m on it. Davis, see you in ten minutes.
Davis:*picture of a campfire* Bring marshmallows and stay silent. She’s sleeping.
Tripp:We’re gonna need that picture with proof of time and date in it too.
Wyatt:You know he probably has a stash of time-date photos that he can crop to make us believe anything he wants to within minutes, right?
I let myself heave a sigh,then focus on the campfire again as my phone keeps buzzing with incoming texts.
My friends are the best.
And also the worst.
But usually the best.
I start a response.
I don’t want anyone coming, and I know Sarah well enough to know she won’t take me up on the toasted marshmallows offer. She doesn’t like to leave the kids at night, and Beck loves her more than he loves food, so there’s not much danger that he’ll show up again either.
But before I can finish telling them thanks for their concern, but I’m fine, a muffled scream explodes inside my trailer.
14
Sloane
Nigel’s eating the treasure.
He’s eating the treasure and telling me I have to go back to Two Twigs and give him as many babies as the number of gold pieces he eats, and he’s eateneighteen, and now he’s saying that his new sex ritual involves me sticking emeralds up my nose to guarantee triplets for the first round, and he’s taking off his clothes, and?—
Oh my god, his penis is a hippopotamus.
I sit straight up and scream.
An unfamiliar darkness surrounds me. I’m on a mattress that’s harder than I’m used to. Peggy isn’t in bed with me. These sheets are flannel, I’m sweating in a T-shirt that smells like my grandma’s cedar chest, and I don’t know where it came from.
