Cash:Speak for yourself. I don’t know that he doesn’t date. I just know he doesn’t talk about his dates. And I know you’re all saying this wedding is another one of his fake weddings to do someone a favor, but this is above and beyond for a fake fiancée. Is there something going on with you and Sloane that we need to know about? I have an entire catalog of songs in a secret folder called “Davis’s wedding album” because they seemed right for the moment that you’d finally fall, but I didn’t expect it to be now. With Shipwreck’s favorite nurse. My brain is so blown.
Ellie:Are you all serious? A WOMAN’S HOUSE WAS BROKEN INTO, PROBABLY BY OUR MUTUAL EX-BOYFRIEND. And you’re worried about who’s getting into her pants and if this fake wedding is real? I’m so disgusted right now.
Beck:Dude’s in his own honeymoon phase, El. He probably didn’t think about how that would sound before he said it. And I’m sure he’s sorry.
Aspen:I’ve taken his phone away. Yes, he’s sorry. Also, can someone fill me in? Who’s Sloane?
Ellie:Got you on a side text, Aspen. Davis, not kidding. IS SHE OKAY? What does she need? What can we do?
Sarah:I’m going over first thing in the morning. Hoping she’s sleeping now. I don’t know if I could sleep if I were her. I barely slept the night after I thought Beck was breaking into my house, even though I figured out he wasn’t actually a threat.
Levi:Do you need security? I can send some people up.
Tripp:Good idea since he feels the same about security as he does about dating, but in the security case, I don’t support honoring his wishes.
Beck:So… you do or you don’t support Davis having some security now? I’m confused.
Tripp:Go eat a sandwich. I support having security on Davis whether he likes it or not.
Wyatt:I’d just like to point out that Davis can take out the blond caveman with a flick of his wrist. Dude doesn’t need security. After the years of martial arts he’s done, heissecurity.
Ellie:But if Levi sends a team, we get reports.
Beck:Okay. Got a sandwich. Brain’s thinking clearer now. And I think we should respect his privacy.
Ingrid:Speaking as a regular nobody and one of the newer members of this group text… I thought we were supposed to be most worried about the fact that he quit his job. I mean, yes, worried about Sloane too, but our concern for Davis was him having too much time on his hands. Right?
Levi:We’re easing into it so he doesn’t change his number and flee the country instead of answering us.
Ingrid:Oh. Crap. Sorry. Has he done that before?
Tripp:We’re still not sure.
Lila:Uncle Guido says no.
Levi:Oh shit. You called Uncle Guido?
Beck:Whoa. I think I just got not hungry in fear.
Sarah:He’s still eating his sandwich. He’s fine. Also, ditto to Levi’s Oh shit.
Beck:Habit. Not hunger. What else—wait, do I want to ask that?
Wyatt:What else did Uncle Guido say, Lila?
Ellie:It’s so hot when you’re not afraid of the retired CIA guy. Wanna leave this group chat?
Beck:Ew. I’ve definitely lost my appetite now.
Sarah:He finished his sandwich. And now I’m echoing Wyatt—what else did Uncle Guido say?
Lila:He says the treasure’s real and Shipwreck is fucked if the wrong person finds it.
Beck:Oh shit. I like Shipwreck.
Sarah:How can a treasure fuck a town?
Lila:Actually, I read a book once where that happened, but it was…a thing.
