And I won’t be among those getting a baby announcement. I won’t be among those taking her meals so she and her husband don’t have to think about eating like my mom used to for new moms in our old neighborhood. I won’t be dropping by to offer to watch the baby so she can take a nap in the middle of the day.
She doesn’t want me to.
And not because I have little firsthand experience with babies myself.
But because I did something wrong or we grew apart while I wasn’t paying attention or because we were never as close as I thought we were in the first place.
That last potato suddenly isn’t settling so well either.
Dammit.
I jerk my attention back to Mom.
She’s staring at me.
So is Niki.
So much for them not seeing me flinch.
I stab another potato. What were we talking about?
Chicken. Avocado. Beets. Right.
Gardening. “I don’t even know if I want to garden yet. And there are community gardens all over the city. I’d ratherfocus on finding a low-maintenance house that I can afford right now.”
Mom sips her wine while she studies me. It’s a young chardonnay from Napa. Probably has notes of peach and hibiscus. Likely on the drier side.
Probably delicious.
And all I want is a Tums.
She sets her glass down and looks at Niki. “Ziggy’s father and I will behappyto give her a down payment. Let’s not limit things yet.”
“Mom, you don’t have to do that. I have a nice nest egg. I can afford to buy a house on my own.”
“Sweetie, your life is about to be hard enough. With your—erm—dreams. Let us do this one little—oh, look atthathouse.”
Thathouse on Niki’s tablet is big enough to justify a moat and a drawbridge in the surrounding acres of the yard. I shake my head. “That’s so much more space than I need.”
“But what if you want a home office one day? And a play—artroom. My baby definitely needs an art room. I know how much you love to…art.”
If Niki hasn’t figured out yet that I’m pregnant, she will in the next five minutes.
And I don’t know if I care anymore.
I should.
The biggest reason I’m not talking about mydelicate conditionis that I don’t want Abby Nora saying I only got pregnant because I was jealous of her and wanted what she has.
And does it matter?
Does it?
Actually, yes.
Yes, it does. I don’t want Abby Nora knowing anything that she could use to hurt me. Directly or indirectly.
Would she mock me for not being married before getting pregnant?
