“Everyone was staring at me at brunch today,” I tell Holt. “Me and my family, but I know it was mostly me. They know I came home pregnant and alone. They know what Abby Nora thinks of me. They know what happened with her brother-in-law. It was like being the whale shark in the aquarium. I was the beast spotted in the wild who blew up her whole life and came home to take a pity job from her parents. You could practically hear them thinking that I gotpregnant on purpose so I could have what Abby Nora has. Or that it was only a matter of time before I fucked up my life.”
“You don’t think you fucked up your life, do you?”
“It’s hard to not feel like a complete loser when I’m at my parents’ club. But here? No. Here, I’m safe. Here, I’m okay.”
“Good. Also, I think I know a few guys who would be happy to solve the club problem for you. They’re super subtle.”
I giggle at the image of the Pounders all invading the Heartwood Valley Owners Club to try to make me feel better. “Do you know why I decided to stay pregnant and keep the baby?”
“Felt right?”
“Because I always thought I’d find someone and settle down and have a family, but I realized I hadn’t dated anyone seriouslyever. When I was in high school, Dad was—well, he was exactly what you’d expect. No boy was ever good enough. There was a guy in culinary school, and I thought we might have had a future, but he called it off not long after I told him I loved him for the first time, and I just—I didn’t date again.”
“At all?”
I shake my head. “Not really. I started to think I had unrealistic expectations, or that I was too picky, or that I was too difficult, but ironically enough, not that my stepdad had trained me to think no man would ever be good enough for me. And I worked all the time, and so when I realized I was pregnant, I knew this was my last opportunity. My only opportunity to have kids of my own unless I waited and went the sperm donor route. I shouldn’t be pregnant. Weused a condom. I had an IUD. But Iam. It’s like this was supposed to happen.”
His hand stills on my belly and I feel him swallow.
“I decided I was never having kids after I had genetic testing when Caden got sick,” he says quietly. “Didn’t want to pass that down. So I—I had a vasectomy. Iwon’thave kids. Not genetic kids.”
I look up at him again.
“You’re not a substitute,” he adds quickly. “You’re not a shortcut to something I didn’t think I’d ever have. It scares the ever-loving fuck out of me that you don’t have any idea what kind of genetic diseases or disorders the baby might have. But being afraid of losing something isn’t a reason to deny yourself the chance to be happy while you have it.”
I brush his hair off his forehead. “Loving people is scary.”
“Terrifying.”
“They leave you for all kinds of different reasons.”
“But sometimes, they stay and remind you what matters. Why they’re worth fighting for even when it might mean sacrificing something else.”
“I’ll fight for you,” I whisper. “You make me feel loved.”
“You are loved.”
My eyes are hot and wet. “So are you.”
He kisses me, and the rest of the world fades away.
I love kissing this man. I love touching him. I love when he pulls me onto his lap and tugs my shirt off and strokes my back and unhooks my bra.
I love when he cradles my breasts and plays with my nipples.
I love running my hands all over his broad chest and shoulders, up his thick neck, to hold his face while I kiss him back.
I love the feel of his thick, heavy erection between my thighs.
And I love knowing that when we wake up together tomorrow morning, the world outside might not be fully right yet, but inside, here, in this house,wewill be right.
We’ll convince my dad that this is okay.
We will.
Because love shouldn’t ever be wrong. It’s rare and it’s beautiful and maybe it won’t last, but why shouldn’t we have it while it does?
That’s all I want.
