“I know.”
“Giving him another chance was worth it.”
“I can regret that we hurt each other and still not want to give him another chance to hurt me again.”
“Because you love your life the way it is, or because you’re afraid the potential hurt will be worse than the potential joy?”
Did you let him go because it was easier to face the temporary hurt of a breakup than it was to be brave and admit to him that you were afraid he’d hurt you even worse the longer you stayed together?
It’s the question that haunts me when I let it. “This is not a conversation I’ll ever have when I’m sober.”
She grins at me. “Then I’m glad you’re drinking tonight.”
“I’m not—” I freeze.
Iam.
I look at the drink in my hand. “I wanted what you’re having. You like cranberry seltzers. You liked cranberry seltzers at Cooper’s retirement party.”
Her mouth forms anO. “I was pregnant.”
My mouth forms anOright back. “And you’re not now.”
“I’m not even nursing. It hurt too much and I couldn’t make enough milk.”
“I can’t get drunk.” I stare at her in horror as I realize exactly what picturing my emotions as flying fishes means. It means I’m tipsy. “I can’t get drunk at work.”
She grabs me by the cheeks and goes up on her tiptoes. “Listen to me, Addie Bloom. You donothave to hold yourself to such high standards that you can’t enjoy your life. Ifanyonetries to useanythingfrom tonight against you, they’ll have to go through me. Understand?”
I try to nod, but it comes out as a shake of my head.
Am I drunk?
I don’t think I’m drunk.
I tend to hold my liquor pretty well.
But I haven’t had much to eat. Just a few bites off of the hors d’oeuvres trays the servers have been passing around.
But I also had a massive argument with Duncan by way of staring at Cooper for most of it.
I would not have done that if I were totally sober.
Would I?
How did that argument start again?
I try to nod once more. “Can you just make sure I don’t do anything stupid tonight? I have to get up on stage.”
“You’re constitutionally incapable of doing anything stupid. Just relax and have fun, and everything will be fine.”
Everything will be fine.
I hope she’s right.
5
Duncan
