It’s what he’s saying in so many different ways while intentionally not saying those three little words.
So he doesn’t scare me.
Keeping his promise to go as slow as I need.
Proving he means it.
My pulse inches higher. My mouth goes dry. A shiver rips through my body.
He loves me.
He loves me.
And he deserves to know why it’s always scared me.
“I was eighteen the last time I told a man I loved him,” I whisper. “Barely started my freshman year. Just like Paisley. I thought he was everything, mostly because he told me he was everything, and I was dumb enough to believe him. But I told him I loved him, and the next day, it was all over campus that I’d gotten my spot on the softball team by giving the coach a blow job. The boy I said those three words to went home laughing that he had the power over me to make me fall in love with him, and he set up a rumor to destroy me just because he could.”
Duncan’s Adam’s apple bobs. His hands have tightened into fists. “The only reason I’m not asking for a name is because I know you won’t give it to me.”
“I handled it.” I squeeze his tight bicep harder. “You and your teammates and all of my players would’ve been proud. I pulled off the prank of the century and made it look like he did it, and he got expelled.”
“That’s my girl, and it’s still not enough.”
“Between watching the way my mom let everyone else rule her life, and then dating boys like that, I swore I wouldn’t ever,everlet another man have any power over me. That I wouldn’tlove another man because loving is giving up your power. But when I’m with you—when I’m with you, I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing my power. You make me feel stronger. You make me feel more confident. You keep showing me what real love is supposed to be, every day, and I want that. I want to love you. Idolove you. And it’s scary, but you’re worth being scared for. I’m not afraid of you. I’m only afraid of me, and I’m working on that.”
“Addie.” His voice is hoarse, barely audible, and I hear so much in the way he says my name.I love you. I will be your defender and protector and champion until the end of time. You are everything that’s been missing in my life.
He’s said it in so many ways the past couple months. He says it when he brings me coffee. He says it when he gifts me the best weapons inCroaking Creatures. He says it when he does my dishes, when he watches a movie with me, when he helps me with physical therapy exercises, when he listens to me as I talk about my day.
And I hope I’m doing enough to show him that I love having him in my life too.
“I love you,” I whisper again.
He shifts and pulls me onto his lap, burying his head in my neck while a shiver ripples through his body strong enough for me to feel it. “Addie, I love you so much that I can’t hold it all in. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone as much as I love you. I don’t care what I do when I retire. Whatever it is, I want to do it with you.”
I wrap my arms around him and run my fingers through his hair. “I’m still a work in progress.”
“We all are.”
“And I still worry we’ll find out we want different things?—”
“I always said I wanted kids. I wanted to coach hockey after my career ended and dote on my wife and family when I washome and get a dog and a cat and a few fish. And I don’t care about any of that anymore. I don’t want the labels. I don’t want what’sexpected. I want a life with you. With or without kids. With or without a dog and a cat and a fish and a wedding. You are the basis of where the next part of my life begins. You’re the sun that everything else revolves around. You are where I want to be, what I want to do, and how I want to live.”
My eyes are getting wet again. I bury my face in his hair and breathe him in.
I believe him.
And it’snotscary.
He knows my flaws. He knows my faults. He knows my imperfections.
And he loves me.
But more?
I know his flaws. I know his faults. I know his imperfections.
And I love him.
