Duncan: Do you have any toys? We haven’t talked about toys. I want to know what else you like besides me.
Duncan: My fist has nothing on your pussy. Or your mouth. Or your hands.
Duncan: Wear your baseball pants the next time you come over. Your ass is spectacular in baseball pants. It makes me hard as granite.
Duncan: I’ve jerked off three times since this game started. Every time they show you, I think about the way you went down on me after our first date, or that morning you slept in and I checked on you and found you completely naked, holding my guitar.
Duncan: Fuck me, they said line drive, and I thought about driving, and I thought about driving you back to the ballpark when you forgot your keys and how we ended up in the backseat of the Sin Bin with me eating your pussy and now I don’t remember how we got there, but I want to do that again.
Duncan: I miss the way your breasts fit in my hands.
Duncan: I miss cupping your ass.
Duncan: Fuck me, they just showed you bending over, and I have a hard-on again. When do you get home? I want to fall asleep with you holding my cock. That sounds so nice. Your hands are so much better than mine.
Duncan: I was just about to nod off and then I saw you in the background and you were laughing, and it’s so fucking good to see you laughing. I’m glad you’re having a good time. That’s everything.
Duncan: I hope I don’t regret these messages in the morning. I’m too tired to know right from wrong.
Addie: Game’s over. I’m guessing you fell asleep. Call me when you wake up and I’ll tell you all about me rubbing out my lady boner. Miss you. *kiss emoji*
25
Addie
It’s happening again.
I’m falling head over heels for Duncan.
But this time, I know he’s serious about me. This time, I know I’m in it because I’m serious about him.
This time, I’m not afraid.
This time, everything feelsright.
We land back in Copper Valley late on a Sunday night after our final road trip of the season. We have one more home series, and we’re still hanging on by a thread in hopes of getting into the wild card race to make the playoffs.
It’s coming down to the wire this year.
Can’t say we’re not giving our fans all of the excitement.
And the more tense things get, the more relaxed I get.
My new therapist says it’s because I’m facing my fears instead of treating them like strengths of their own. That sometimes, the act of choosing bravery is the biggest hurdle. Of admitting that I’ve told myself lies to keep myself safe, and inbelieving those lies, I’ve actually kept myself from living my best life.
She and I still have lots of work to do to fully conquer all of my fears—I’m in a honeymoon phase of believing in myself, and I know I’ll have setbacks and doubts in this process—but I’ve never felt more connected to the team, to my fellow coaches, and to the baseball diamond itself.
And to Duncan.
I’ve let myself tell him things about my past, about my family, about friends and romantic relationships and professional failures and sabotage that I’ve admitted to so few people in my life.
He’s in town for two nights before his first road trip for the preseason, and he’s waiting at my apartment when I get there.
Since my place is closer to Mink Arena than his house, it’s logical for us to stay there.
I let myself in quietly, expecting him to be asleep in my bedroom.
Instead, there’s a grunt and a sharp inhale from my couch.
