“Are they ready for me?”
“Knock first. They’re in Lila’s office. And if you need backup, the code word isAsh is eating the flowers again.”
I head down the hallway, knock, and wait for the “Come in” that follows after several long moments.
I give it one more deep breath before I let myself into the corner office where there’s still a godawful orange couch against one wall, the lone remnant in the entire building from the time when Lila’s uncle owned the team before we all got here. Otherwise, there are photos of the team celebrating various wins all over the walls. An obligatory plant in one corner. And a massive rug with the Fireballs logo on the floor.
Lila’s behind her desk.
Tripp’s sitting in a chair with his back to the wall of windows.
They both initially look at me like they’re prepared to claim they weren’t getting handsy with the door closed, but as one, their jaws drop.
“How much time do you need?” Lila asks while Tripp says, “Whatever it is, we’ve got your back.”
In my head, I throw my hands in the air, march back to my apartment, and change into slacks and a polo.
But my imagination doesn’t immediately solve the fact that both of my bossesalsoassume there’s something wrong because of my clothing.
Thereis, but it’s notwrong-wrong. It’s morenot the right timewrong.
“I wear dresses sometimes,” I say dryly. “Everything’s fine.”
Lila straightens and folds her hands on her desk. “Of course.”
Tripp clears his throat and nods.
I stride the rest of the way into the office, letting the door shut behind me, and take the seat opposite Lila.
“What’s on your mind?” she asks.
Time to do this. “I’d like to withdraw my name from consideration for Santiago’s position.”
Lila stifles another noise.
Tripp drops the leg he’s just hooked over one knee, and his foot hits the floor with a thump. “Come again?” he says.
“I wouldloveto be a baseball manager one day, but this isn’t my time.” I nod to Tripp. “You were right. I’ve been…harder this year. I’m not in the right headspace to take over as the head coach for the entire team. I need to do some work on me first so that I’m everything I need to be when it’s my time to lead.”
I’ve startled them.
I get it.
I’ve startled myself, to a degree.
But since my conversation with Tripp the day after the auction, since Duncan came back into my life, since I’ve started letting people in more, I’ve realized I can’t be effective as a head coach until I sort out everything that’s holding me back.
Which means I have to not be afraid of other people stepping on me. Of beingallof me.
Even if it costs me another opportunity one day.
Letting myself have fun with my players yesterday was good.
But it’s not enough.
I need to practice letting the real me,allof me, shine through every day before I’m ready to be the leader the team needs.
“Addie, we don’t need interviews to tell you that you’re one of our top two candidates,” Lila says. “Are you absolutely sure this is what you want to do?”
