Or possibly my conscience is projecting.
“She left,” I mutter, the same guilt seeping into my pores that I’ve felt every time I’ve thought about Goldie leaving and every time I’ve thought about me asking her to stay.
I had no right to do that.
She’d given it all up before for a guy who wasn’t what she deserved.
I’m not what she deserves either.
I don’t look at my three companions, but I sense them watching me.
I suck in the biggest breath I can take without bothering my bruised and battered heart. And for the record, yes, I’m the sole reason it’s bruised and battered.
It’s all my fault. And— “She deserves better than me.”
There.
I did it.
I finally said it out loud.
She left, I took it personally, then I took it out on her, and I don’t deserve her.
The three ladies sigh in unison.
“Is that the best you’ve got?” Odette says.
“Boring,” Evelyn chimes in with a yawn.
“I think you can dig deeper,” Sheila adds. “I believe in you. But you won’t fix what’s wrong if you don’t face all of it. And you have to live with you for the rest of your life.”
I shoot a look at her. “I thought you were the nice one.”
“I’mkind,” she replies. “And that was very kind. Nice would be smiling and nodding. Kind is telling you the truth.”
“Mm-hmm,” Odette agrees.
“My word, this cookie’s better than my last boyfriend, and he could still get it up without a pill,” Evelyn says.
Sweet Pea barks.
Her equivalent of ayou go, girl.
And screw it.
What more do I have to lose? “Everyone. Fucking. Leaves. Me.”
I look up to gauge their reactions, expecting them tooh, honey, that’s not trueme, but instead, all three of them rise from their chairs like they’ve planned this.
Odette and Sheila are closest.
They get to me first, wrapping their arms around me in a tight hug.
Evelyn joins them after making her way around the table. She squeezes my hand. “Speaking as a woman with three ex-husbands, I can assure you that divorce isn’t always about leaving. While I’ve never met either of your ex-wives, I can promise you that they likely wish you well. They’ve both probably lived with a lot of regrets that they let you down too.”
I suck in a hard breath.
My exes’ regrets aren’t something I’ve ever thought about.
