My old man’swaiting with his luggage at the entrance to his hotel when I pull up in the Bentley. His eyebrows lift a little, but he doesn’t comment on the car.
Nor on Sweet Pea’s doggie car seat in the back.
I pop the boot—the trunk, I mean—and help him get his bags in back, then return to the driver’s seat. He takes the passenger seat.
I put the car in gear, and we head to the airport.
In silence.
My shoulders are tight. I’m clenching my ass, and I don’t know why.
Okay, fine.
I know why.
I don’t like why.
“I spent ten minutes this morning explaining to a dad at a peewee soccer game that he needed to lighten up on his kid or his kid wouldn’t talk to him when he grows up,” I say in the silence.
My ass isn’t just clenching now.
My ass muscles are vibrating.
Anger? Rage? Hurt? Regrets? Shame?
Probably all of the above.
My mom would be horrified that I avoid my old man at all costs. She always told me he wasa good man doing his best. Her dying request waslook out for your sister and your dad.
But nothing I ever did was good enough for him.
And sometime in the past two years, he started calling more.
He texts.
He drops by whenever the fuck he wants like he belongs here.
Like seeing him doesn’t make me feel inadequate.
Never good enough.
There’s silence again.
Silence and another stoplight. Fucking downtown. So many stoplights.
Fucking clouds overtaking the blue sky.
Fucking atmosphere so heavy inside this car that I’m gonna have to trade it in too.
Sweet Pea whines in the backseat.
And after a bloody eternity that’s not even a full stoplight’s cycle, my father clears his throat. “You’re right. I was too hard on you. That—that wasn’t fair. To you or your sister. I’m sorry.”
I’m so startled, my foot leaves the brake and I almost roll into the SUV in front of me.
I correct in time, my thighs taut as a new spring, my stomach clenching.
“I thought I was doing the right thing. Making you tough to face a tough world. And instead, I accidentally taught you that you had to earn affection.”
