And far more compassionate too.
One more thing to give Chandler credit for, and to talk to the therapist about—his subtle messages that therapists only ever made you feel bad about yourself and ruined your life by making you ruin all of your relationships.
His way of making sure I didn’t take any steps to feel better about myself enough and worse enough about him to break up with him.
Control.
Manipulation.
Whereas everyone in Jonas’s family and on his staff and public relations team have made me feel valued and appreciated and worthy.
“This is so…” I pause in telling Sabrina and Laney about my week over coffee at Bee & Nugget early Friday, because I can’t find the right words.
“Refreshing?” Sabrina says.
“Encouraging?” Laney suggests.
“Affirming,” I decide. “It’s like, even if they’re gaslighting me in a good way, it makes me feel like I can take on the world, and it’sgood. I officially would rather live with false confidence than false doubts.”
“Youcantake on the world,” Sabrina says.
“And unless he’s way more overboard in private than he is in public, I don’t think he’s opposite-gaslighting you,” Laney says.“I think you’re enjoying all of the benefits of being with someone who believes in you and wants the best for you first.”
We still don’t say his name in public, but we all know we’re talking about Jonas. And if what he’s done to me, for me, and with me in the bedroom this week is any indication, hedefinitelywants the best for me.
Laney and Sabrina both crack up.
I know I didn’t say that last part out loud, but—
“Your face, Em,” Laney says.
Sabrina’s cackling. “This is utterly fabulous. It really is. I was ready to tear him completely apart, but I think I like this future for the two of you so much better.”
“Have you talked about telling Bash who he is?” Laney asks.
I smile. “I told Bash last weekend, and when I got home last night, Bash walked up to me and said—”
I cut myself off, and not entirely because I’ve caught myself from sayingBash said Jonas is his daddy, so Jonas is Daddy. I pause just as much because Sabrina’s frowning out the window.
And that’s not a normal frown.
That’s asomeone is going to diefrown.
I start to twist to look, but she grabs my arm. “Don’t move.”
Ostrich bumps erupt on every inch of my skin. Including my scalp. And my toes. “Why?” I breathe.
“Could be nothing.”
“Or?”
She grips tighter. “Or it could be reporters, in which case, we’ve got you, okay?”
“Even if it’s reporters, they probably just heard he was here,” Laney murmurs. “They won’t know about you.”
Or they heard Keisha’s here. She and her wife are using Hayes’s house for a vacation, which Jonas tells me is also normal for their family.
Laney’s right.
