It would be so easy to despise her as much as I despise Chandler.
She has everything I’ve ever wanted.
Friends. Family withoneblack sheep instead of a whole crumbling mansion full of them. Community. Home. A mission and purpose that she’s never had to question and never had taken from her.
Until now. Until me.
I could hate her for making me second-guess everything I thought I stood for.
“I’m second-guessingeverythingI thought I stood for,” Sabrina says.
I jolt and stare at the wall.
Did I—did I make that up?
Did she just sayexactlywhat I was thinking?
Their voices fade.
I angle closer to the wall, straining to hear while a familiar sick feeling churns in my stomach.
Shame.
I am the assholiest of all assholes.
I’m hurting her.
And I know it.
And Ican’t stop.
The world isn’t balanced.
Myworld isn’t balanced.
It wasn’t until maybe four years ago, while I was still married to Felicia, that I consciously realized my siblings and parents were nearly through their trust funds. That when they manipulated me into using my ever-growing bank account, it wasn’t old habits to blame and shame me for being an accidental inconvenience in their lives. They needed the cash I was raking in from my patent to save face in front of their friends.
Having Zen show up on my doorstep asking for a place to live without judgment was the biggest wake-up call of my life.
Second-biggest was falling in love with Felicia only to realize when Zen moved back from college that my wife was playing me more than my family ever had, wanting me to be someone else.Dress like this. Remodel your lab’s lobby like that. Someone needs to talk to Zen about that outfit. And about getting a real job. Your assistant? Seriously? You know how this looks, right?
Because looks were everything.
But not to Zen.
Zen taught me family.
Uncle Grey, you ever think about how rude it is for our parents to remind us of all of the basic needs of ours that they met when we were kids, despite us not asking to be born to them? I would’ve picked one of those reality TV families over this one, and I hate reality TV. And being on it. I assume, anyway.
Uncle Grey, what do you do when your siblings treat you like you’re an inconvenience despite the fact that you go out of your way to send birthday cards every year and ask about their friends and their dreams and their lives in a way they never ask about yours?
Uncle Grey, you really shouldn’t let them take advantage of you like that. You know the only reason they wanted you to marry Felicia was because her father promised Aunt Camille an introduction to his royal relatives, right?
Uncle Grey, this is who I am, and Felicia won’t change me, no matter how much she tries.
Theyseethings that I always accepted, and they challenge the way they’re treated. They challenge the wayI’mtreated.
They challenge the meaning offamily.
