He sighs and scrubs his hand over his beard.
Yep.
Nailed it.
I hate being cynical almost as much as I hate that I’m nixing the use of the ranch—for now—for kids who need an outlet.
But—“Why can’t you use Kory’s ranch?”
“Liability,” he mutters.
I lift my brows at him.
He sighs again.
I take another drink.
“I can get waivers signed,” he says.
“I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess the kids you’d bring out here aren’t the kids who’d feel like they could ask their parents to sign a waiver.”
“You’re very cynical about this.”
“I’m reasonably certain Junie’s been forging my signature on field trip forms for the past three years. Which is my bad.Completelymy bad. I’m doing better now.”
I feel his heavy gaze on me, and despite my irritation with him, I don’t have the nerve to meet it.
Do I feel judged around teachers?
Yep.
Do I deserve it?
Also yep.
“Teaching gives your life purpose, I suppose,” I say quietly.
It’s a long moment before he answers. “It does.”
“I don’thavea purpose. I’m well aware I was the court jester on Dean’s show, and I accepted that for years becauseIt’s all for show, babe. We both know you do the work.”
Flint makes a noise that I’ve heard in my own head in response to that statement more times than I care to admit.
“I’m not taking that kind of crap from anyone anymore,” I tell him. “I let him bruise my self-esteem and take top billing when I was the one pulling so much together on every single job when the cameras weren’t rolling. I told myself I was okay with not getting credit because I still got the paycheck—which wasnotwhat people think it was, for the record—but all the while I was letting my mother and Dean’s parents and sometimes strangers raise my kid, and also setting an example for her that it was her job to play second fiddle to the men in her life, regardless of if he was worthy or not.”
He makes a noise.
I ignore it. “I amnotthat strong, independent woman the world says I’m supposed to be. I’m battered and bruised and tired. I need to find where I fit in my own life. My own purpose. And maybe I’m completely misguided in thinking it’s here, in patching this ranch to make it something beautiful and good where I fit first before I use it in any way that resembles how Uncle Tony did it, but I have to try. For the first time in my life, I’m going after something that feelsgood. Andright.Without tearing myself down and without having to rely on anyone who doesn’t believe in me. AndI can’t put that in danger. Not while I’m trying to make everything up to Junie and be the mom I haven’t been for the past six years.”
I don’t look at him.
I can’t.
But I feel the heavy heat of his gaze anyway.
God, I hate being vulnerable.
But I’d rather put all my cards on the table in the hopes that he’s willing to help Junie than hold back for the sake of my own pride.
