Like, crack up so hard that I can’t see straight.
Am I standing?
I don’t know if I’m standing.
Or sitting.
“I can’t feel my butt!” I shriek.
Something touches it. “Still there,” Sabrina declares.
“Is it still flat and ugly?”
Emma gasps. “Laney. Your butt isnotflat and ugly. It’s trim and adorable.”
“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve wanted your butt?” Sabrina adds.
“It’s like this perfect little dream butt that the rest of us have envied for years,” Emma continues.
Sabrina grips me tighter while we make one more step up. “You never have problems with jeans gaping in back.”
“Or falling off of you.”
“And men stare at it all the time.”
“It’s truly the perfect butt.”
“Best booty in the business.”
“Is this when I chime in or when I leave?” Theo asks.
Theo.
FreakingTheo.
“Be quiet,” Sabrina orders.
Emma makes one of her cute Emma noises that means she agrees. “You’re on standby in case we need you to carry Laney inside.”
“Or tomybungalow,” Sabrina adds, “which is where I think we should be going.”
“No, I’m thoing to Geo’s gunbalow,” I remind them. “Because of the secret. Ha! I have a secrettooooooooooo.”
I’m not telling them the secret.
My lips are sealed.
It’s important.
I don’t remember why, but when I keep a secret, I keep a secret.
There aren’t enough piña coladas in the world to ruin this secret. Not whenI get to keep a secret.
Am I singing that?
I stop with my hand under my thigh for the last gigantuan step—and yes, that’s a word, because the piña colada says so—and I test my mouth.
I think I was singing that out loud.
