Not when the dead animal suddenly squeals the unholiest, loudest squeal in the history of undead squeals, shoots to its feet like it took a hot poker up its ass, and charges Theo.
“Zombie pig!” I yell. “Duck! Dive! Run!Zombie pig!”
Theo gets the full force of the pig right to the chest and goes sprawling back onto the pavement.
I shriek and dash for him.
But that’s the exact wrong move because the zombie pig ispissed, and now I’m his new target.
“Holy fuck, it’s alive,” Theo gasps.
It flares its snout at me. There’s murder in its eye. It paws the ground once, snorts, and then charges me.
I scream and scramble onto the hood of the car.
Or try to.
Really, I’m grasping for purchase on the slick surface while the pigrams the car.
“Hey! Get! Stop!” Theo bellows at it as he jumps back to his feet, staggering only a little as he runs at the pig.
Did he hit his head?
Does he have a concussion?
The pig does a fast turn and hurtles its barrel body back toward Theo, who takes off around the car. “That’s right, fucker! Chase someone with your own kind of stubbornness and innate good looks and solid muscle structure!”
I’m trying to climb up the car so I can dive over the windshield and inside, and I’m trying not to laugh at his ridiculousness at the same time. “Get in the car, Theo!Get in the car!”
He dives.
The car shakes and my bottom half goes sliding to the edge of the hood.
There’s athumpas the pig slams into the car and connects with the door right where Theo just went over inside the convertible.
“Can it jump?” I shriek. “Is it going to eat us?”
“Pigs can’t jump.” Theo climbs to his feet on the front seat and reaches over the windshield to grab my arm.
“Are you sure?”
“No. Get in. We’re getting out of here before we find out otherwise.”
He pulls me over the windshield while I try to clamber up too, but I’ve never climbed a convertible windshield before.
Especially not while the car is being repeatedly head-butted by the most solid pig in the existence of wild, terrifying pigs.
I finally get the rest of the way up the windshield with Theo’s help, but that’s where the very worst thing in the history of terrible things happens.
I lose my balance.
Do I fall out of the car and get trampled by the very angry feral pig?
No.
That would be better.
Instead, I trip and fall headfirst onto Theo.
