And who liked it?
This girl.
This good girl right here who had an orgasm that she isnottelling her best friends about because she’s still processing that too.
Along with processing that it was fun.
Nobody died. Not even the pig.
My parents’ business didn’t fall apart.
Thunderclouds didn’t gather and strike us with lightning, and I didn’t get pregnant by having a solo orgasm caused by a rocking car and Theo’s incredible erection.
If anything, I got a glimpse at what’s possible when I let myself go and have fun.
Which has to be the lamest fun Theo and his penis have ever had in their lives.
Emma frowns. “Do you think they’ll catch it and put it down?”
I start.
The pig, Laney. She’s not talking about putting Theo’s penis down.
“I hope so,” Sabrina says. “And then I hope they send it to your dad so the stuffed feral pig can be a first-anniversary gift to Chandler if he doesn’t do everything in his power to make you the happiest wife in the whole entire world.”
Emma smiles and rolls her eyes. “He’s never taxidermied a Hawaiian pig. And he does love checking new animals off his list.”
“Theo said the same thing while he was taking pictures of it last night,” I report, hoping they can’t tell I’m thinking about his penis.
She grins. “Did he ask you to help him put it in the trunk?”
“Yes.”
“Did you say no?” Sabrina asks.
“There was literally no other answer. And can you imagine if we’d put it in the trunk before it came to?”
Beforeit came.
I came.
Sabrina giggles.
Emma tries to stifle a laugh and ends up snorting.
“I was trying to befun, but even fun has its limits,” I tell them.
I’m sweating. They don’t know I’m sweating because I’m thinking about coming on Theo’s penis, right?
Sabrina giggles harder.
Emma snorts twice more.
“You wouldn’t be laughing if we’d been murdered by an angry pig,” I mutter, hoping my brain is tracking the out-loud conversation right. “Hey, whereisthe staff? We need water.”
“Coffee and mimosas,” Sabrina corrects, still giggling.
“Ineed water.Youcan have a mimosa and all the coffee your caffeinated heart desires.”
