No one in the world sets my teeth on edge and makes me feel professionally inadequate quite like Lola, which is probably also my mother’s fault.Tavi, sweetheart, you could probably get a Gucci swimsuit deal for your socials if you lost a few pounds. It’s just not fair that Lola’s even skinnier than Phoebe, is it?
And lest you think the rivalry is one sided, I have staff who work for Lola who assure me that it most definitely isnot.What do you think Tavi will do next, and how can we do it bigger?is apparently a common question at her strategy team’s regular meetings.
And her reality TV show?Lola’s Tiny House? Don’t tell me it was an accident she called it that when the one time I talked Phoebe into doing a reality TV show with me ten years ago, it was calledTavi’s Party House.
Lola and I air-kiss in public, but the tabloids still speculate on which of us would come out on top if we had a claws-out battle on Rodeo Drive.
And if I’d known Lola Minelli would be here this morning, I wouldnothave done those vodka shots last night, and I would’ve gone to bed around four yesterday afternoon. I haven’t had enough food, enough sleep, or a long enough run to be at my best today.
Have I mentioned I hate this game?
“Lola.” I lean down for cheek kisses, completely unsurprised that she smells like roses with a whiskey chaser. Her olive skin is flawless, her hair perfectly held back with diamond-studded barrettes, her brown eyes mildly bloodshot, but only if you look closely, and her lips definitely enjoy some collagen injections. “What a great surprise. Whoever would’ve thought we’d find you visiting Tickled Pink?”
“Oh mygah, when I heard Gigi was helping people find their souls, I was like,Howcould I not come? I’ve been on thissoul journeyafter the first season ofLola’s Tiny House, when I realized some people actuallylive in closets, and it’s like, the universe justgave methis amazingpresentof suggesting that I volunteer for Gigi’s program.”
My heart sinks like Carter’s rank on the charts when he releases a new single.
She’s not passing through.
My biggest professional rival isstaying. And not just staying but staying and calling my grandmotherGigilike she’s one of the family.
And now on top of my headache, I want to gag. And also howl.
I miss Naomi. I miss Costa Rica.
And it’s starting to sink in that I will never win my trust fund back.
Is this Gigi’s goal?Octavia, you’ve been such a disappointment here in Tickled Pink that I’ve brought in an alternate to serve as my granddaughter. I can save Lola’s soul, and then I’ll give her your trust fund, and then I’ll give her your cacao farm, since she always does everything better than you anyway.
It’s how Gigi operates.
Find what will hurt the most to get the people around you to do what you want them to do.
It’s not enough to threaten my farm.
She has to threaten to ruin my entire life.
I’ve wasted two months here when I should’ve been trying to find silent investors. The wordGoFundMejust crossed my mind.
Oh God.
Is all of this hopeless?
I don’t know if I have it in me to play nice with one more person from my old life.
Especiallywhen that person is Lola.
She’s five feet, seven inches of judgmental, backstabbing steel, with this long black hair that’s so silky smooth that she got her start shilling shampoo. She’s also forever wearing bodysuits that emphasize just how tiny her waist is.
If she comes back in another life, I hope she’s either a dung beetle or a sperm whale.
She probably wishes the same for me.
I’m not sure which of us deserves the fate more.
Probably Gigi.
I’m going to lose my farm.
