Waverly: I sent Tripp and Lila a massive thank-you basket for them letting me have you for two days more than I should’ve kept you away from baseball.
Cooper: Did you send yourself a massive thank-you basket for taking a little time off?
Waverly: No.
Cooper: Good thing I did then. Better news? There’s more where that came from. Anytime you’re missing Shipwreck, text me. Or Grady or Annika. Or my parents. Probably not Tillie Jean. She’s still super pissed that she didn’t get to participate in stealing that mascot costume. I’m pretty sure I need to go into hiding after the season’s over. Usually, I take her pranks like I deserve them, because I do, but I have this awful feeling she’s upped her game and I’m a dead man.
Waverly: *selfie of herself with her jaw dropped in front of the largest box known to man, stuffed full of goodies from Shipwreck*
Cooper: Dammit. I told Grady the BIG box. He must’ve kept the pirate ship for Miles. Not that I can blame him. Kid’s cute.
Waverly: Oh my god, you are utterly ridiculous, and I could not love this more. I thought I had everything money could buy. I was wrong. I was so wrong.
Cooper: Most of what’s packed in there is love.
Waverly: Stop. I swore I was done crying until I’ve finished my badass boss list, and you are not helping.
Cooper: You tackling that today?
Waverly: *GIF of Ares Berger sighing*
Cooper: Not to be that guy, but I noticed your stomach didn’t bother you at all once we were settled in Shipwreck…
Waverly: *gif of someone shaking out the Tums*
Cooper: *gif of himself wearing a Fireballs cape*
Waverly: My last four shows of this tour are in the next four weeks, and then I have a week of press stuff to tease my next album, and then you’ll be king of the baseball world a week or so after that, so I’m going to do what I have to do. But not yet.
Cooper: I hate this.
Waverly: She’s the only family I have. It’s complicated. And I don’t want to end up getting so upset that I cancel my shows. It’s not my fans’ fault that I haven’t done what I should’ve done years ago. Another few weeks won’t hurt.
Cooper: You okay with Kiva and the Scotts?
Waverly: They’re on notice. Scott Two cried. I didn’t expect that. But we cleared the air and they know who the boss is. They said Hiramys has been so busy worrying about me that she was totally in the dark. So good news is, Hiramys is still amazing. Bad news is, there might be a lot of turnover in Waverly Sweet, Inc., this winter.
Cooper: Tell me what I can do to help.
Waverly: Make me laugh. Distract me when I complain. Spend your off-season with me.
Cooper: In case I wasn’t clear – I’ll be there the minute I’m free. And if I haven’t told you, the play-offs are where things get weird. Upsets happen. Miracles happen. I might be seeing you sooner than I thought, which I have very, very conflicted feelings about. And I shouldn’t tell you that, but I want to be honest.
Waverly: *laughing emoji* *crying emoji* Oh, god, if you go all the way – you’ll have parades and other appearances, won’t you? Have you ever done the late-night circuit? YOU WILL BE ON ALL THE SHOWS.
Cooper: Eh. If they want me, they can wait for when I feel like showing up.
Waverly: COOPER. Completely serious here. Do you know what that could do for post-career opportunities?
Cooper: Yeah, it’d turn me into Roy Kent.
Waverly: Roy Kent?
Cooper: Oh Em GEE! Gasp! No! WAVERLY. Tell me you’ve seen Ted Lasso. TELL ME YOU’VE SEEN TED LASSO.
Waverly: Yeah, but… Roy is like, Mr. Grouchy. You wouldn’t know grouchy if it donned a pirate hat and a baby dragon mascot costume and pantsed you at second base.
Cooper: I just mean I don’t see my future involving TV, so why would I spend my nights anywhere but with you?
