Her shoulders heaved as she finished her rant, a charming flush in her cheeks. He got to his feet and offered a hand to help her. Sera got up and then kicked at the snow, a burst of flurries catching on the breeze.
At least he knew the cause of her distance. She feared Seth would leave her. The spark between Seth and Varian had been obvious, even to Kieran, though he had thought nothing of it at the time. To Sera, however, it was a chance for someone she cared about to leave her behind for a new relationship.
What she had said about him, however, stirred something far deeper. Something he couldn’t quite tackle here, on the road, in the next few minutes. So he gathered his composure once again and offered his arm to Sera.
“I don’t know the details of your past,” he started, as her fingers twined with his, “But I do know that a bad person doesn’t care about being good.”
She opened her mouth, but then snapped it shut again.
“Perhaps you made mistakes, caused harm or broke laws,” he continued, “You can’t undo it. But the fact that you want to do better now is more than most can say.”
She closed her eyes. “But what if I can’t? What if I’m just… bad and that’s it?”
“For what it’s worth, that’s not what I see. Not that you should give much credit to the opinions of others,” He reiterated with a pointed look, “But it is my opinion that you are a rare example of extraordinary.”
As her chin lifted and her smile started to return, he let go of her hand and continued with his work. He still had a job to do, and that wasn’t something that he could change right now. Maybe, though, he could consider setting some limits.
Maybe, one day, he’d take an entire day off and not be crushed by the guilt.
And maybe he could channel his focus into someone infinitely more appealing.
Sera stayed with Kieran as he went from house to house. They had passed the larger estates and on to the more modest homes. All of them were rustic, crafted with beams of wood carved in elegant designs. She noted the lavender wood was favored here, though the angles used still boggled her mind.
Upon closer inspection, they revealed a weight distribution that would not have worked with the sort of lumber used in the Fells. The composition of these beams allowed for more variance in structure, so that no two buildings were quite alike in shape. Sera had to drag herself away from a particularly interesting balcony with no ground supports at such a distance from the house not plausible with the types of wood she understood.
Sometimes she was allowed inside with Kieran, other times she was told to wait. The few times she’d been admitted she had watched with rapt fascination as Kieran scanned a room full of pleading faces for signs of Death. She could feel their hope and wishes as his eyes assessed each in turn. The tension was oppressive while they awaited his answer. When his focus hovered over children it was especially tense. Parents clinging tightly to them as if they could hug away the presence of Death.
Most of the houses they visited were death free, but there were two stops that revealed unwanted news. Kieran had to single the person out as the one marked to die. Heartbreak rippled through the room, each member of the family reacting in their own way.
Tears. Wails. Shutting down.
Leaving.
Kieran offered mechanical condolences and apologies and then to pay for any needed medical expenses once a doctor had been called. Though, he would always insist there was no way of knowing if it was illness or something else. No shadow had been close enough to alert him to potential action and so they left those two houses to their grief.
Sera still didn’t fully grasp the particulars of his curse—she refused to call it a ‘gift’—but she could see the toll on him, even if he tried to mask it with indifference. Sure, there were those who were suited for this line of work, who chose professions featuring death and grief. But Kieran had no choice. When she first met him, she might have believed he was one of those people. She might have believed his mask of apathy. But she knew better.
Kieran was incredibly feeling. He cared. He caredso much. It was the root of his every action, every move hinged on a selfless drive to help others. He could say it was responsibility all he wanted, but he had such a capacity for kindness and observation that taking care of others was second nature.
And she was hopelessly in love with him.
The revelation wasn’t so much a shock. Not really. She’d been falling for weeks, a slow descent into territory she had told herself she would never tread. She expected to feel terror and panic when her head had finally caught up to her heart. But she felt oddly serene.
Venturing into a world outside her backyard had proved to her that peoplecouldbe selfless. The Lady Archer. Varian. Mrs. Tarley and her small gesture of coffee. Gideon and Rachel, who were the only remnants of family she had left.
Sera trusted Kieran. Trusted him with her heart, with her body, with everything. She had tried to fight it, but then some deep part of her knew that he was safe long before she understood it. The problem now was… could she do this without fucking it up?
When they returned home they stood in silence for several minutes. Not the awkward kind, but, the sort of silence that stemmed from both of them fearing to say what they wanted. This was new territory for Sera. It had been a long time since she’d been in love, or believed herself to be, and she'd never been given the reins for the pace. Kieran gave her all the control and now she didn’t know what to do with it.
She had gone with him for some fresh air when she couldn’t sleep, when thoughts of Seth had made her too anxious to close her eyes. Now they were back and she was sure Seth was awake. She should be with Seth now, so she could figure out what to do if he planned to leave. Maybe convince him not to.
But there was a strong pull to stay with Kieran. To offer to go upstairs and finish the promises from their last carriage ride. To confess that her heart was his, for better or worse.
Indecision kept her quiet, unmoving.
“I believe Seth will be up by now,” Kieran said, and she noted that his expression was less harsh. Less hard angles. She daredto say there was something soft in his eyes as he spoke to her, almost… understanding. His lips were nearly smiling. The perfect angles of his face weren’t fixed in rigid stoicism. Gods, she had thought him handsome before, but with the shine of contentment lightening his features he was ethereal.
“If my cook is correct, this is about the time the pair of you typically wake. I’ll make sure a tray is brought up promptly.” His lips shifted into an unmistakable smile and her heart flipped into her throat. “Oh, and I set up an appointment with the modiste for tomorrow, I hope it doesn’t interfere with your plans.”
