Now you’re going to disappoint me, Devin?
He shook the lust from his thoughts. Divine above, he thought it impossible to resist herbefore. He kept his breathing even as he continued, “I meant, that it was not my reason for associating with you. I was determined not to cross any sort of line with you for the duration of our acquaintance. And then I did, and I lashed out unjustly.”
She let out a breath, her posture easing, but she stayed silent.
Devin had never cared to gain the favor of someone he had wronged before. It was easier to just let the relationship end. But right now, he cared about nothing more than Miranda’s forgiveness and how much he craved just one more chance to lick the sweat from her skin.
Frustrated, he changed the subject.
“Where are you planning to go at this hour, Mira?” He knew it wasn’t to see him. Her anger had made that clear. Perhaps planning to knock on Graves’s door and finish what she nearly started in the study? As ludicrous as the idea sounded, he would not have put it past her.
She bristled at the nickname, but otherwise ignored him.
He considered how to word his concerns without getting slapped. “Graves will be looking for a way to get you alone. Traversing the streets at night without an escort is the exact opening he needs.”
“I’m not stupid,” she snapped. “I know he’s going to retaliate. But I’m not going to let my parents lock me in my bedroom while I wait for it to happen, either. I worked too hard to let someone else fix my problems. I’m the one who found what Graves was really planning. I get to decide what I do with it. He decided tomarry my sister the last time I pissed him off, I can’t imagine what he’d do to me now, but I’m not going to mope about while he decides.”
Anger flared as he asked, “What happened the last time?”
Her eyes went wide, vulnerable. She shook her head. “I don’t have to tell you.”
She moved around him, continuing on her path down the block. There were very few places she could reach inside the city on foot. Devin came up behind her and guided her toward a shadowed area nestled in the overgrown foliage of one of the houses and out of the streetlight’s glow. There was hardly any fight as she shrugged his arm away.
“Tell—” he started to order, but then stopped when he didn’t even recognize his own voice. Whatever she had to say, he both wanted to know and feared hearing it.
Resigned that the only fair way to know what happened was an equal trade, Devin spoke first, “I served under Graves in the war. He was nobility, I was a sixteen-year-old who’d lied about my age so I could have access to food and a bed. One day our unit was caught in an ambush. We were hunkered down under cover, safe for the moment, when Graves ordered that we retreat.
“I argued against it. We were pinned down, but holding our position well enough. His cowardice became clear when he ordered us to cover him as he made a break back for friendly territory. All the members of my unit, friends and allies, were little more than his shield.” He didn’t go into more detail. Not to spare her the horror so much as to spare himself. “Only three of us made it back.”
She was still. Some of the fight lifted from her shoulders, her posture easing. “I’m sorry…I can understand why you hate him.”
“Hate is putting it mildly. So, if you ever feel like no one else understands what Graves is capable of, just know I’m not among them. I know he wronged you, Mira, but…maybe it’s best if Idon’t know the details. I’ve reason enough to kill him, I don’t need to be tempted to make it slow and painful as well.”
She considered a moment. The street was quiet, the Garrison properly silent and empty at such an hour. They were a few houses away from Miranda’s home, tucked into the darkness of some noble’s flourishing front garden. When she spoke, her voice was quiet, almost hard to hear over the slight breeze stirring the trees.
“I was at a ball. My mother had been pushing me on bachelors all evening and I was done with the whole thing. When I went outside for some peace and fresh air, Graves followed me. At first, he was nice, charming. He commented on the night and the party. All polite enough. Except, we were outside alone and from the moment he showed up I felt uneasy.” She hugged her arms around herself, never once looking into his eyes. Devin let go of the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.
Devin spoke with barely restrained anger. “Tell me he didn’t…”
Miranda didn’t meet his eyes. “Well, he didn’t succeed. Not…” Tears welled in her eyes, then slipped down her cheeks as her vision grew distant. Her mind taking her somewhere else, somewhere worse.
“I refused his offers, and that angered him. He told me that a woman of my age, nearing spinsterhood, should have been glad to accept such an offer. He wasn’t charming anymore, no more pretense. And he wasn’t alone. I was held by two of his followers while—” Miranda’s voice wavered and he wanted to tell her to stop, beg her not to finish her story, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak. “I’m trained to handle every enemy, even those physically stronger. I knew exactly how to break their hold and free myself, but—in the moment I was so…confused. So scared and shocked that I forgot everything. I couldn’t react as he tore at my…” She covered her chest with her arms. “My dress, andstarted to bunch up the skirts. His hands on my skin is the single most repulsing moment in my life. He said that if I were compromised, then I wouldn’t be able to refuse him.”
Her tears were a cascade, streams down her cheeks and dripping onto her dress. Each new detail left him more hollow, more…devastated.
She swiped at her cheeks and caught her breath. “Then my senses returned. I kneed him in the stomach and broke the hold on my arms. Then I ran.” Brave Miranda raised her chin, tougher than the memories, even as her lips trembled.
Devin’s fists vibrated with restrained anger. He had suspected that Graves had wronged her, noted how she had squirmed under his gaze, but he chose to ignore the implications out of self-preservation. He didn’t need more reasons to hate the man. His animosity could not possibly grow any stronger. And yet, here he stood. Ready to shred the man into pieces, so that he didn’t die right away but felt every tear and rip of himself the way he tore and ripped at those around him. For the first time since revenge had blackened his heart beyond repair, he considered that death might be too merciful an end for Graves.
“Damn it, Miranda—” Devin paused, his tirade halted in his throat. Her eyes were open, exposed. Begging for something that he feared he wasn’t capable of giving. Hearing the words from her own lips had him struggling to keep his hands to himself.
Not totouchher, but to offer comfort in a way he did not understand. The only comfort he’d ever received was from his mother, whose touch rescinded further and further from him the more sadness weighed her down. He had been hugged as a small boy, but over time her affection had receded as the shadows in her eyes grew, until her touch wasn’t even a memory.
Devin’s hand found Miranda’s arm, fingers gently curling around her wrist, waiting for her to pull away.
She didn’t.
He looked into her green eyes, searching for…what? He didn’t know. His heart maybe? He was unraveling in front of her again. If he wasn’t careful a wall might budge, weakness might show, he needed to regain his composure. Instead, he stepped close enough to smell lilacs, overpowering the fresh blooms all around them, and his hand shifted from her arm to her back.
