“No.”
That’s it.
One word.
And I. Am. Mortified.
I shoot up, scrambling to my feet. “Oh! Yeah. No. I mean . . . I kind of . . . need another shower. Got sweaty in all this” —this is when I gesture down, drawing attention to my half-naked torso, and cringe— “while we were . . . running around.”
Then I run inside and lock myself in the bathroom.
CHAPTER 30
SAWYER
“Respect the rule, I said.”
Thunk.
“Don’t engage, I said.”
Thunk.
“Stay detached, Ifuckingsaid.”
Crack!
My axe finally finds its way deep into the large log. I toss the axe aside and dig my hands into the fissure to rip it apart myself. I’m so full of adrenaline right now, it splinters almost immediately.
I can’t do anything right. I wanted her hands on me more than anything, and it took all my strength to stop what was happening, but that was still the wrong move because, clearly, I embarrassed her. The problem was, I remembered her one-time rule, and I had to stop things from going further.
Butfuck, here I am trying to make us something we aren’t anyway. Playing games like we’re a couple, kissing her like I’m allowed to, putting my hands on her body as if she’s mine.
But she isn’t.
She isn’t mine, and she doesn’t want to be mine.
Especially after what just happened. I’ll be lucky if she’ll still look at me.
Blistering rage boils me from the inside as I drive my axe into another log. I’m sweating despite the freezing temperature. I strip off my jacket, toss it onto the porch steps.
Crouching, I shove my hands into the opening of the log, and I don’t let go until I feel it give under my pressure, slowly coming apart for me in one satisfying yawn before both halves tumble to the ground.
I pick up one of the halves, orienting it on its face, and do it all over again.
Chop.
Pull.
Toss.
Chop, pull, toss.
ChopPullToss.
When I have a haphazard tower of wood, I feel no better than before. Brie’s pained face as she stumbled to her feet before running inside flashes into my mind.
She’s probably in the bathroom right now—oh shit. I realize with a jolt I’ve been out here ruminating this whole time when she probably ran right in without grabbing any clothes for herself. I abandon the wood, and head inside.
