I gasp.
It can’t be.
I nearly rip the lid off to get at the bulbous mouse.
Squeakers.
She’s flatter than she used to be, definitely seen better days. Something like a sob tumbles out of me as I squeeze her to my chest. I drop my head, nuzzling her with my face the way I used to.
Except Squeakers doesn’t smell how she used to.
Chlorine and boy smell.
My eyes well with new tears.
Sawyer.
He had to have held Squeakers more than once for his smell to be embedded in her softness. I take in another big whiff, and it centers me. He really did love me. This entire time, Sawyer loved me.
Even when I thought he hated me, he loved me.
And my feelings were always deeper, too. It’s why I kept his jacket, snuggled it close to me on nights I couldn’t sleep, breathing in his smell when I needed comfort. Even when I hated him, I cared about him.
And now, I love him.
The realization explodes into me like colorful confetti, finding its way into all the nooks and crannies of my being, filling every open space with the words: I love Sawyer.
And I might never get the chance to tell him.
If he comes back to me, I’ll tell him everything. All the words I’ve wanted to say deep down, but couldn’t. I’ll never hide from him again.
Then what? I move away for a real job?
I squeeze the stuffy to me. Squeakers is the epitome of why I detested Blue Ridge. Ihatedliving here. Coming back for a temp job was a last resort to something even worse, and I couldn’t wait to leave.
But now, I’m determined to stay.
Tess, whom I’d all but forgotten about, joins me in the living room with two steaming cups of tea, our roles reversed from earlier. Because we’re friends. And not just from these awful events that keep pushing us together. I look forward to laughing with her every day at lunch. We’ve grown to know each other, delicately dancing around the pieces of each other that’ve been closed off to the world, but finding ways to connect anyway.
“Thanks.” I give her a waterysmile.
“You looked like you could use it.” She sits next to me, warming her hands around her mug. “They’ll be okay.”
Desperation shoots through me again. “How do you know?” A second ago, she was as devastated as I was, but now she seems so certain.
She nods to Squeakers, still smushed against my chest. “Because you and Sawyer have unfinished business. There’s nothing in this world that’ll keep him from you.”
My lips pull wide like an ugly toad as I wail, “He’s done with me.”
Tess sets her mug aside and pulls me into a hug. “He’s not. He’s just upset you’re leaving and afraid of losing you. And so am I.”
I look at her. “You are?”
She nods. “You’re the first friend I’ve had in forever. And you’re leaving us.”
I open my mouth to tell her that’s always been the plan, but nothing comes out. Gia’s words come back to me.You belong wherever the hell you want.
For what feels like the millionth time tonight, another piece of me clicks into place. Idowant to belong in Blue Ridge. I’ve been here four months, and already I have more of a life here than I ever did anywhere else. Those other cities feel sterile and cold to me now. Blue Ridge has Jolly Jalapeno and festivals and the drive-in and so much I haven’t explored yet. I want to eat the apple cider donuts at Maddy’s Bakery, go to Tattoo, Brute? to get commemorative ear piercings with my sisters, surprise Gia with the newest romance novel from the Book Nook.
