"I never wanted one alpha," I murmur, barely audible over the faint sounds of night birds. "Let alone five."
"What about Azarel?" Nikolai asks, a bitter edge creeping back into his voice.
I scoff, shaking my head. "I thought he was different. Look where that got me."
"Did he know?" Nikolai asks after a moment of silence. His voice is quiet, but there's a dangerous edge to it. One I'm sure has been the last thing many men have heard. "All the shit you've been through that made you hate alphas as much as you do. Did that fucker just sit by and let it happen?"
I bristle at the implication of his words. Some part of me, even now, still wants to defend Azarel. To believe he's the man he always claimed to be. The man he was, at least when we were together.
"No," I say firmly, my mind flickering to the past. To Monty's living room, surrounded in a sea of blood. A sea ofbodies. My mind rebels at the attempt to peer behind walls it erected for a reason, and every time I try, I feel that familiar haze bleed in around the edges of the world. "He didn't know."
"Guess he's not completely useless, then," Nikolai says, looking away. "Don't get me wrong, I'd put a bullet in his skull in a heartbeat if I had the chance. But you don't know for certain that he betrayed you." He steps closer again, and in the cool night air, I can feel the heat radiating from his body. "That's what this trip is about, isn't it? Finding answers. So there's no point having a pity party about it until you know for sure."
I wheel around to face him, fury bubbling up fresh and hot. "You'reone to talk about having a pity party," I hiss.
To my surprise, a smirk curves his lips. "It got you to bitch at me, didn't it?" he says, that glint returning to his eye. "I prefer you wanting to murder me over being sad."
I don't know what to say to that. The abrupt shift in his mood has left me off-balance, searching for solid ground in a conversation that keeps tilting beneath my feet.
He's close now. Too close. I can see the fine lines at the corners of his eyes, lines he's too young to really have, the subtle dusting of stubble along his jaw. I can smell him, too. That unique scent that's been haunting me since the first time I caught it.
We stand in silence for a moment, the moonlight washing over us, and I'm suddenly keenly aware of every breath between us.
"Blood and steel," I mutter finally.
He blinks, confusion settling over his features. "What?"
"That's what you smell like," I say, brushing past him into the house, catching a glimpse of his smirk as I go.
No. Not a smirk. Asmile.
There'll be no living with him now.
Chapter 17
KNIGHT
alphas are loud.
too loud.
too early.
Nikolai strutting around inn room like peacock with tail fanned.
thinks he has won something.
he has won nothing.
"She said I smell like blood and steel," he says.
again.
and again.
and again.
has been bragging since morning came.
