Me: A date? Happy. We’re fucking. Why the hell would we go on a date?
Happy: Shits and gigs?
I groan, exasperated.
Me: Can you be serious for like five seconds?
Happy: Fine. If you must know the truth, it was Allie.
Me: Allie? Are you serious?
I hate that I’m sad or disappointed or whatever the fuck this is that I am right now. But that message came from his daughter’s nanny? What were they doing? Sitting around laughing about how they could mess with me? Ugh. Now I’m just straight up pissed.
Me: Was it just a joke?
Happy: No! Allie said she’d apply for this summer research program if I asked you out on a date.
Me: So it was some sort of bargaining chip?
Happy: No. Wait. Fuck. I’m gonna call you.
Seconds later, my phone starts to ring, and I roll my eyes because I have half a mind to ignore him. But as Toast Malone continues circling the same patch of grass, sniffing for a place todrop it while it’s hot, I know I’ll be here for at least a while, so I might as well hear him out.
“Hello,” I say flatly, taking a seat on the park bench.
“Hey, um so, I’m sorry. I—” He sounds flustered. Panicked almost. And I can’t lie—it’s kind of adorable, although I’m still angry. “Look, yes, Allie sent you that text message, but it was only because she tricked me into it… shit. That sounds even worse out loud than it sounded in my head.”
I stifle a laugh, covering my mouth with my hand, because he’s so genuinely clueless, it’s impossible to be mad.
“What Imeanis… Allie agreed to apply for a summer research program if I agreed to ask you out on a date, and I… Oh my fucking God, this is?—”
“Happy!” I interject, choking on a bubble of laughter.
“Wait. Are youlaughing?”
I clear my throat. “I mean, it’s kind of hilarious thattheHappy Slater can’t string together a damn sentence, but I’m also trying not to be offended that your offer of a date was based solely on a wager to get your daughter’s nanny to apply for some research program.” I’m met with silence, so I can’t help but ask because now I’m invested. “Did she at least apply?”
“That sneaky little asshole had already applied and was using it as a ploy just to get me to ask you out on a goddamn date.”
A flush creeps its way up my chest, my neck, and onto my face, but I try not to think too much intothat. “So… youdowant to take me out on a date?”
“I mean—” Happy pauses, and the silence is long and loud. “Yeah. Is that… weird?”
I’m sitting here, at the park, in the dark, my dog taking a shit less than five feet away, and I’m grinning like a fucking moron. What is my life right now?
“I know it goes against our whole friends with benefits or whatever the fuck this is, but… I don’t know…” He sniffs a laugh. “I kind of… like being with you?”
I close my eyes, kicking my feet, and I momentarily hate myself, but I can’t help it; I’m no longer in control of my mind, body, soul, or feet it seems.
“Hannah? Are you there?”
Before I can respond, a siren screams through the night, an ambulance speeding past with its lights flashing, causing Toast Malone to bark like how dare they interrupt his potty time.
“Where are you??” Happy asks abruptly.
“Sorry, that was an ambulance,” I explain. “I’m just out with Toasty.”
“On your own?”
