And I haven’t had it for far too long.
I pull my phone out of my purse and pull up the book cover I saw recently with him on it. Did I save it to my phone? Of course. When I turn it toward her, I watch as emotions flit across Cindy’s face.
Lust.
Curiosity.
Disbelief.
Surprise.
Hatred.
Jealousy.
It’s the last one burning in her eyes when she meets my gaze and it feels like her focus is too intense and contains far too much intent. And it feels cruel.
“That’s who you met?” Each word is an arrow that pierces me right where she wants it to.
“Yes,” I whisper, the word like paper instead of steel.
“No.”
I blink at her a few times, completely flummoxed for a moment. What? Did she just say ‘no’? That’s it?
“I did meet him. We’re dating?”
Internally I wince because I hate how it sounded more like a question than surety. Cindy’s eyes light up as if she’s caught me. She hasn’t because I know the truth, but it doesn’t mean a damn thing.
Not with victory shining in her eyes.
“No way,” she sneers, the real her coming through and proving I was right the entire time. Being right isn’t a win at the moment, it’s just a set-up with no escape. With a dismissive wave of her hand, she states, like it’s fact, “That is not the man you’re dating.”
“I am. I met him at one of the events where I had a table. He works security at the convention center. His name is Joss.”
I’m babbling and giving out way more information than I really want to or should. But I also can’t stop. It’s like I need to prove the truth of this to her even though it makes no sense and I know, just know, that I should stop this conversation right here and now.
Her expression turns vicious and her lip curls. “There is no way that a man like him, who looks like him, would ever be interested in you,” she says the last word like a curse. Like I should be ashamed of my body, of my skin, of my very existence.
She has no idea how many years I spent doing exactly that and how hard I’ve worked on loving myself. It’s still a work in progress, which it should be because I still have a lot of life to live, one I’m probably failing at more often than not.
Her words hurt. Her derision and disbelief sting.
She makes a tsking sound with her tongue. “You won’t even come out for a drink. So even if you do know him, which I don’t really believe,” she adds on like I’m not already very aware, “there is no way he’d be interested in you, nor would you be able to keep him.”
I glance at the clock on my desk and breathe a sigh of relief. It’s time to go. Normally I don’t engage with Cindy this long, but today she stuck around to cut me down. I turn off my computer with the press of a button, not caring about shutting it down properly. Fuck that and fuck this place.
As I stand up, I grab my bag and turn toward Cindy. She’s looking at me with a smug expression on her face as if she’s won something. She hasn’t.
“I see you, Cindy,” my voice wobbles a little because confrontation doesn’t come easy to me. “I see the horrible person you are behind the smiles and the part you play.” The smile slips from her face, and she pales slightly, as if she’s only just now realizing how ugly she was being. I lean toward her, my voice hollow and ominous, “Don’t stop by my desk again unless you have real work to discuss with me. No more pretending with me because I know the truth. Leave me alone and I’ll extend the same courtesy to you without outing you as the nasty bitch you are.”
She sucks in a breath and presses a hand to her chest as if I’ve offended her. But I don’t give a fuck. Not anymore.
That doesn’t mean my feelings aren’t hurt. They are. I hate it so damn much, but her words do feel like they’ve lodged themselves between my ribs, right where I have no protection.
I don’t like the way they make my own doubt grow, the doubt that was a little voice in my mind who was whispering not to trust, not to believe, and to guard myself. The voice that has already made me wonder what Joss sees in me and why a guy like him, who is ripped, fit, and sexy as hell, would want someone like me.
I’ve tried to ignore it, but now the voice is louder. All because of Cindy.
