CHAPTER 5
SYNDAL
I’m tired. The last two weeks have been filled with spending all of my time, when I’m not at work, making my wares for today’s market. I wouldn’t have normally done this one, but it’s a New Year’s local artisan market. I couldn’t pass it up just like I couldn’t pass up the romance book event in two more weeks.
You better believe I skipped the cock molds for the event today. And I also dressed up a little bit. The sweater I’m wearing is new and there’s even sparkly thread woven through. It’s not super heavy, which is perfect. And I have a shirt I can put on if it gets too hot. When you get a lot of bodies together, it warms up, no matter how big the space is. It’s just how it goes.
But it’s also very fucking cold.
It would be warm in Joss’s arms.
I let out a groan and cover it with a cough as I force the smile on my face to widen slightly as I make eye contact with a woman walking with her family. She doesn’t approach, but that’s okay.
I’ll admit that I haven’t just been making things for today for the last two weeks and working. I’ve also been regretting not giving Joss my number. Maybe it was some strange joke, but what if it wasn’t? Or I mean, it wouldn’t have hurt anything beyond my pride, maybe, if I hadn’t laughed and blown the man off.
Honestly, I think I just short circuited. I even used the term ‘pity date’ which makes me cringe just thinking about it. What possessed me to let my mouth run away from me like that?
It’s not a problem I’m used to having except with people who I know and feel comfortable with. I just keep my thoughts to myself otherwise. Obviously, I was tired two weeks ago.
Or maybe there’s something about him.
Yeah, it’s a possibility. It’s one I’ve been mulling over, especially in those quiet moments of peace when doing what I love the most. In the silence, regret and doubt crept in.
The sight of him in front of me and the earnestness in his eyes was sincere. I don’t think he was joking. But I just, I don’t know how to explain it. But that’s not what I saw in that moment. Or maybe I’m only remembering it the way I wanted it to go?
I just don’t know, but I do know that a man who looks like he does has never asked me for my number before and I blew the whole interaction. I blew it big time.
To compile the entire shit storm of a situation which has been haunting me, an indie romance author I follow shared a cover reveal a few days ago. Lo and behold, color me surprised when I was taking a moment and doom scrolling, to find Joss on that very cover. All oiled up.
And the man was shirtless.
I barely swallow down the squeak that wants to come out of me from thinking about it. Shirtless! It was just as good as I knew it would be. Probably better.
And he was just there on the cover of a romance novel. The only good thing about seeing it was that it was just him on the cover and there wasn’t some woman wrapped around him. Even the thought of it, though it would have been fake and just for a photo shoot, makes my heart ache and jealousy spike inside of me.
I’m not used to feeling jealousy. Wow. It’s a heavy feeling.
As I blow out a breath, I try to keep my shit together and not make it obvious that I’m looking around for him. I’m being ridiculous. It’s not like I have a claim on the man. Hell, I turned him down when he asked for my phone number and basically treated him asking for it at all like a joke.
Shame burns in my gut. I shouldn’t have laughed in his face. I can’t think of a worse regret in my life at the moment.
I can’t even believe I did that. It wasn’t until later, when I was back home and able to relax, that I realized what I did. Talk about mortified.
Something pulls tight in my gut, and my head snaps up and I start to look around because the feeling of someone watching me is impossible to ignore. That’s when I see him and my entire body goes hot and my pussy clenches around nothing. A dizzy feeling washes over me while my chest burns before I gasp for breath. When the hell did I start holding my breath anyway?
Fuck. This man disrupts me in ways I don’t think I’ll ever understand. Breathing is one of the most basic, lizard brain type of things, but one look at Joss and it’s like I can’t function on a primitive level.
I’m not sure if I crave more of this feeling or if I hate it to the depths of who I am. I think it’s a mixture of both considering the way I have to fight myself not to grin from ear to ear.
The determined look on Joss’s face is sexy as fuck. His footfalls are deliberate as he stalks closer to me with a single-minded focus. He doesn’t even glance at the people around us. Nope, his eyes are locked onto me.
The odd thing is that the way he’s looking at me doesn’t make me want to make a break for it and run in the opposite direction. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest that I’m sure he’ll be able to hear it.
“Syndal,” he murmurs my name as he stops right in front of me, “I have to tell you that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. It’s been two weeks of torture since I didn’t have your number. I thoughtabout sending you a message on your business social media, but then you could have ignored it. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.”
“I wouldn’t have done that,” my voice comes out huskier than it normally does. At least, it sounds that way to me.
His eyelids drop to half-mast and he growls softly. My nipples pebble and I’m glad I went with a padded bra today. I wanted to feel a little more dressed up and the sports bra I normally wear wasn’t going to cut it.
