“I can be happy with Braden. Iamhappy with Braden.”
Oh. My voice was a little louder than I’d wanted. I blamed it on the beer.
But Roxy wasn’t done yet. “Are you marrying him because you’re happy and in love…or because he makes you feel safe?”
That was when it felt like the floor opened up and put mein a freefall. Although I spat out “I don’t know” and Roxy changed the subject after a few moments of respectful silence, I had to wonder.
By the next morning, I vowed to give Braden my best—all my love and devotion. Because, yes, I was his fiancée—and I wanted the warm fire. Roxy was right—it was safe. But I’d already experienced the opposite and had been miserable.
I owed it to both of us to focus on what our marriage offered…and to learn to be happy with it.
CHAPTER 24
By the end of August, we were wrapping up the second leg of the tour. As we’d gotten closer and closer to the end, I was questioning my decision to leave more and more. But all it took was seeing Zack drunk or hungover for me to find my resolve once again.
The ride home felt surreal. I clung to Braden, managing to keep my eyes dry, and reminded myself of Roxy’s promise to hook me up with other bands when I was ready. I hadn’t told Braden my plan of continuing to play yet, because I didn’t know what he’d think. I’d bring it up when something actually happened.
Not once did I make eye contact with Zack—but, when they dropped the four of us off, Mick hugged me tightly. “I’m gonna miss you, kiddo.”
“I’ll miss you too, Daddy Mick.”
With that, he shook his head—and, if I wasn’t mistaken, his eyes looked a little watery. “Get outta here. But send me a text once in a while.”
“I will.”
In a weird formal way, Cy shook my hand—but he didn’t say a word. Probably so he appeared to be in solidarity with Zack, if I had to guess. Zack and I didn’t speak to or look at each other.
Braden held my hand as we got in his mom’s car. The band had an entire month off from touring, but Zack, Cy, and Braden—along with Mick—would head to L.A. for auditions the following week. They’d wound up having over one hundred applicants for my old job, but Mick and Zack had weeded the list down to the twenty most promising candidates.
As Braden’s mom drove off—with Braden in the passenger seat and me in the back next to our luggage—I couldn’t help but look at Zack. He looked…lost for lack of a better word. As if he didn’t know where to go next or what to do. His mother had jumped out of her SUV to tackle-hug her son, but as he, Cy, and his mom put everything in the back, Zack’s expression looked vacant.
Until he looked at me.
Had he seen my eyes on him? Immediately, I shifted my focus so I was looking out the front of the car instead of through my window, hoping I hadn’t been caught. But what did it matter? Although this was my goodbye to the band, I would surely see Zack on occasion—because Braden still in the band and our impending wedding meant Zack would be in our lives.
So, when he sent me a text two days later, I was surprised.Can we talk?was all it said.
Why? What was the fucking point? What else did we have to say to each other?
And, as usual, I couldn’t resist Zack…not even when I was angry at and disappointed with him. That didn’t mean I had to be warm or nice, though.
About?
Not five seconds later, he replied,The band.
No way. I had to let this damned door close and I couldn’t do it if we simply rehashed the arguments we’d already had.There’s nothing more to say.
That’s not true.
I let out a soft sigh, glad I was at home in my room and not with Braden at the moment. We were spending evenings with each other but days at home—so he could sleep late and I could do my laundry…and figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I was looking at jobs on Indeed and checking out classes at the community college and feeling dismayed.
Finally, I texted Zack back.Whatever you have to say you can text to me.
No. Can I come over or take you out for coffee?
I remembered the last time we’d had a meetup like that—it had been at the diner on Main Street…and the meeting had actually been halfway positive, with Zack sharing new music. But I also recalled him being an ass about Braden and me—and I didn’t want to go there. Not anymore. I was tired of Zack treating my heart like I was a toy mouse and he was a cat. I’d been hurt enough.
Only if this isn’t about Braden and me. If it’s really about the band, fine.
