“Of course, I did. Well…at least there were rumors. I couldn’t confirm it so I didn’t print anything.”
“Oh, shit,” I said. “And now that I’ve opened my big fucking mouth, you can.”
Roxy laughed. “Oh, my God, no. What you say is off the record unless I’m officially interviewing you.”
My heart warmed at the thought. I’d forgotten but suspected it had been when we’d declared ourselves to be besties. We hadn’t actually used that term, but I knew she valued our friendship as much as I did. “So yeah. He’s doing lots better now. Actually…I’m worried about him tonight. The guys are gonna be around alcohol.”
“Ooh…that seems too soon.”
“That’s what I said—but the guys promised to support him. I hope that means they’ll get him the hell out of there when he realizes he can’t handle it.”
“That bad, huh?” Roxy pulled off her sandals, wiggling her toes. The hot pink nail polish made her feet look dainty and feminine, reminding me that that was the reason why I painted my toenails. My feet looked ugly otherwise.
“Yeah.” I told her about the night Zack had overdosed and almost died.
“Whataren’tyou telling me, D?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I knew exactly what she meant but I was hoping to deflect her curiosity.
Unfortunately, as a reporter, she had a nose for sniffing out that kind of thing. “Come on. We’ve been friends long enough that I can tell when you’re holding out on me. What’s going on?”
I sighed. She was right—and, as my friend, I felt like I could trust her with anything, especially now that I knew she hadn’t pried me for information to publish. Leaking Zack’s near fatal overdose and stint in rehab could have helped her own star rise…so I knew she was a true friend.
But that didn’t mean it would be easy to talk about.
I got up and poured some rum in my glass, chugging it straight before mixing more with Coke.
“Must be pretty bad,” Roxy joked.
Sitting back on the sofa next to her, I said, “I don’t know. I’ll let you be the judge of it. Swear you won’t say shit.” I took another swig of my drink, hoping to calm my nerves and help myself let go of the information I guarded like Fort Knox.
“What I’d just say?”
Despite my nerves, I grinned. “Just because I’m off the record doesn’t mean you couldn’t tell anyone.”
“Okay, okay—I swear!”
“When we found Zack…he looked dead. He was pale and unresponsive—and, afraid we were going to lose him, I realized just how much I still love him.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Yeah. But, I mean, logically, I know he doesn’t deserve it—and I know we’d be a train wreck all over again. It’s not worth it, and I can’t trust him with my heart. But that doesn’t change the fact that my heart still belongs to him.”
“Fuck. Does Braden know?”
“No. I can’t tell him. He…he deserves my love. Iwantto love Braden with all my heart, and I want to cherish him. Hedeserves nothing less—and it’s not his fault that my stupid heart doesn’t know how to let go of Zack.”
Roxy swirled her cup, making the liquid inside move around. “So what are you gonna do?”
“I was hoping you could tell me.”
Raising her eyebrows, she shook her head. “I’m the last person you should ask. I pick real losers.”
“I hear that.” I took another sip of my drink, feeling the way my muscles were responding to the additional rum I’d downed a bit ago. “I’m just going to keep giving him my love. I mean…I love his sisters and I like his parents okay. My mom adores him, and he’s so good to me in every way imaginable. I’d be an idiot to not see how good he is for me. So…my head’s on board. I just need to get my heart to stop being an asshole.”
“Your heart’s not an asshole, D. Zack was your first love…and sometimes it’s hard to let that go.”
“You think that’s it?”
