“No, don’t.” Zack took a long deep breath as if it hurt. “I’ve mostly been by myself and it sucks. The only time I’ve seen someone is when they’re poking me. And they finally turned the beeping off on this goddamned machine I’m hooked up to. I’ll sleep at some point, but it…feels good to see you guys.”
That was all it took for the dam inside me to burst, and the tears started gushing out of my face. “I thought we lost you.” I buried my face in my hands, ashamed of myself for not keeping my shit together like I’d promised. Zack didn’t need this show of emotion…it wouldn’t help him heal at all. All I’d be doing would be to stress him out.
Braden wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close and I sobbed, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lose it.”
Zack said, “It’s okay.”
I lifted my head, swiping at my cheeks, realizing part of why I was struggling to control myself was because I hadn’t really had any sleep in over twenty-four hours. “You…”
“I don’t remember what happened.”
“Whatdoyou remember?” Braden asked.
“Just…” Zack blew out a slow breath, moving a little in the bed as if trying to sit up before realizing it was too much effort. “I was partying with a girl named—shit. I can’t remember her name. We went up to the room…and that’s all I can remember.”
Keeping my voice as steady as possible, I asked, “Do you…remember doing heroin?”
“No. That was the plan, but…”
Braden said, “How much do you wanna know?”
“All of it.”
Quietly, Braden told him about what we suspected he’d taken and I interjected on occasion, talking about the girl hunting me down and running off—and, when I was unable to speak anymore, Braden took over again. When he finished, he said, “That’s why you feel like shit.”
Zack blinked his eyes a few times, and I wondered if he was feeling sleepy again. But he said, “Sorry I…just…sorry.”
“We’re just glad you pulled through, dude. Maybe you don’t know it, but we all fucking love you. I don’t know what we’d do without you.” Braden managed to take the words out of my mouth.
“I guess I owe you guys thanks for saving me.”
“You would have done the same thing for us.”
Zack nodded—because he knew it was true. We were family—we were appendages of the same goddamned body, and we wouldn’t be whole if one of us were gone.
“Anyway, I’m gonna head out and send Cy in to say hi while I call your mom.”
“No,” Zack said with more force than we’d heard from him since coming in the room.
“What?”
“Don’t call her.”
“We gotta tell your mom, dude.”
“No, we don’t. We’re gonna be home…soon. I don’t want her to worry. She’s still having a hard time dealing with losing my grandpa. I don’t want to burden her with this shit too.” To Braden’s raised eyebrows, Zack said, “I’ll tell her when we get home. I’m…out of the woods, right? Or is there something you guys aren’t telling me?”
“No,” I said, “you’re over the worst of it. But your mom should be told so she can decide what she wants to do.”
“No,” Zack said, again angrier and louder.
“Okay, okay,” Braden said. “We won’t call her. But you gotta promise to have an honest conversation with her when we get back.”
“I said I would.”
“While we’re on the subject…” I started, struggling for the right words.
“If you’re saying what I think you are, you don’t have to,” Zack said, reading my mind. Was it the way I’d said it or was it the look on my face that gave away my intent? “I’ll go to rehab, okay? I know this shit’s out of control, so I will. But it’s gonna have to wait till after the tour. I don’t want this shit fucking anything up.”
