At that, my phone rang. Braden wanted to talk.
And that was hard for me. I was still sorting through my confused stupid feelings for himandZack—and talking with Braden over text or with the rest of the guys was much easier than being vocal. Still, I answered my phone. Braden said, “That’s probably better. Maybe we stage a surprise birthday party instead…let him know we do give a shit. But we can also talk to his mom about his drinking problem. Maybe she could suggest rehab to him instead of us.”
Oh, God…that seemed like asking his mom to do our dirty work.
But I agreed anyway—because if anyone had more sway over Zack, it was his mother.
Braden offered to set up the meeting—and, before the day was over, he told me we’d be meeting Zack’s mom at a Mexican food restaurant in Dalton the following day. When Braden also volunteered to pick me up, I agreed—because I didn’t have much gas and, as Zack had pointed out the day before, we had zero dollars to our names.
But I would have much preferred to take myself. Letting Braden pick me up seemed to send the message to him that we were a full-fledged couple…but I didn’t know that I was ready for that.
I met my mom in the kitchen. “I’m going out tonight.”
Frowning, she asked, “With Zack?”
Although I’d told her that Zack and I were currently split, I hadn’t told her about sleeping with Braden. Already I was feeling guilty because Braden had been so giving, so loving, so gentle and sensitive, and I was closing myself off. I could have said it was because my heart didn’t know what it wanted, but that wasn’t true. My heart wanted Zack, fucked up or not, but I knew it would be a stupid move to go back to him. Not only did he not deserve my love, butIdeservedbetter. Zack would always be my friend—and, at some point, it would be easier to address him civilly, but I needed more time.
And then I remembered that moment outside the restaurant in Rock Springs, Wyoming…when he’d said those words:Just don’t give up on me. Not yet.
Surely, he hadn’t meant romantically. He couldn’t expect me to just wait around while he indulged in other women so he could, as Mick had said, “sow his wild oats.” As a friend and fellow band member, yes, I wouldn’t give up on him. That was a promise I could probably keep.
My mom said, “Dani—with Zack?”
“No,” I said, pulling myself out of my thoughts. “Um…with Braden and Zack’s mom.” I decided not to lay all the heavy stuff on her. “We forgot his birthday so we’re going to see if we can throw him a surprise party.”
The crease between my mother’s brows deepened. “Are you sure you want to do that? You just broke up with him and doing something like that might send mixed messages.”
“Mom, we’re still in the band together. It’s not like I can completely pretend he doesn’t exist. And I’m trying to learn how to be a friend again.” If I’d told her everything that had caused me to break up with Zack in the first place, she probably would have told me it was all a bad idea—and part of me believed that. But she’d been allowed to make her mistakes when it came to love, and I needed that autonomy for myself as well.
“Okay. I hope you know what you’re doing.”
Oh, I didn’t—but I was doing it anyway.
The phone in my hand buzzed and, when I looked at the screen, I saw that Braden had sent a text message telling me he was there. But before I could say a word, the doorbell rang.
Oh, God.
Did Braden want to meet my mom as a formal hey-I’m-the-new-boyfriend kind of thing?
Absolutely not. I wasnotready for anything like that.
“Hey—I gotta go.” After kissing my mom on the cheek, I started heading out of the kitchen.
“Will you be home tonight?”
That was a legit question—because Braden might have some ideas. And maybe we could talk later, but I wasn’t ready to start spending the night at his house. It was far too soon for any of that.
“Yeah. See you later.”
And, when I opened the door, I said, “Hey,” and walked past Braden into the yard. I could tell he had definitely planned on coming inside…but I was going to play dumb if needed. I didn’t want more complications right now.
“Hey,” he said, following me down the walk toward his car. Well…his parents’ car, an older white minivan that had, no doubt, toted him and his sisters to school when he was younger. Although I wore a jacket, the snow from the day before had almost completely melted and I might have been able to go without.
When I reached the van, I opened the door and jumped in the passenger side, again not wanting Braden to even attempt anything gentlemanly. And it wasn’t until we got into the car that I actually looked at him. He wore a long-sleeved black AC/DC t-shirt, one I’d seen many times—but now I knew what he felt like underneath it…and my body warmed, despite myself. His brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail, allowing the angles of his newly shaven face to appear more prominent.
He really was a good-looking guy. Why couldn’t I just be happy with him?
“She was really happy I asked her about Zack’s birthday.”
