Behind me, four pairs of eyes watched from the darkness.
I just had to figure out how to stop being afraid.
Chapter Twenty
LILY
I spent the entire day thinking about them. It wasn't unusual—I always thought about them. But today was different. Today, every thought felt urgent, weighted with the knowledge that my time was running out. I'd doubled my suppressant dose that morning, like Kaelan suggested. It helped, a little. The warmth under my skin was still there, but it was manageable. The restlessness had faded to a dull ache instead of a constant scream.
I knew it wouldn't last. My body was fighting a battle it was destined to lose.
I went through the motions of my day, hauling ropes, scrubbing decks, avoiding Cort's increasingly suspicious stares. All the while, my mind was somewhere else entirely. Underwater. With them.
I want you. All of you.
I'd meant it when I said it. Every word. So why couldn't I just take that final step? Why was I still clinging to the edge instead of jumping?
Because you're afraid, a voice whispered in my head.Because every time you've let yourself want something, it's been taken away.
My mother's love, taken when I presented as omega.
My freedom, taken when my father sold me.
My future, taken before I ever had a chance to build one.
What if I let myself have this—really have it—and it disappeared too?
But what if it didn't? The thought stopped me cold, my hands freezing on the rope I was coiling.
What if this was real? What if they meant every word, every touch, every desperate declaration? What if I could actually have this—a pack, a home, a place where I belonged? What if the only thing standing between me and everything I'd ever wanted was my own fear?
The rope slipped from my fingers. I stared at it, lying in a tangled heap on the deck, and something in my chest shifted.
I was so tired of being afraid.
That night, I didn't wait for full darkness. The moment the sun touched the horizon, I was at the railing, scanning the water. They weren't visible yet, they never were until I was ready to descend. But I knew they were there. Watching. Waiting.
Always waiting for me.
I took the potion quickly, feeling the familiar burn as it transformed my lungs, and slipped over the side of the ship before anyone could notice.
They were there the moment I submerged.
All four of them, surrounding me like they'd been counting the seconds until I appeared. Kaelan's hands found my waist immediately, steadying me. Riven hovered close, nostrils flaring, checking my scent. Vale's silver eyes scanned my face with concern. Thane was already reaching for me, his fingers tangling with mine.
"You're early," Kaelan said, his dark eyes searching my face, a furrow of concern between his brows. "Is something wrong?"
"No," I said, and my voice came out steadier than I expected. "Nothing's wrong. I just... I needed to see you." Something flickered in his expression—hope, maybe, or fear. It was hard to tell with Kaelan. He kept so much locked away.
"We're here," he said simply, his thumb stroking across my hip in that absent, possessive way of his. "We're always here."
I looked at him. At all of them. These ancient, terrifying, beautiful creatures who had somehow decided I was worth centuries of devotion. Who had given up their happiest memories just to buy me more time. Who watched me every night like I was the sun and they'd been living in darkness for a thousand years.
"I want to do something," I said, my heart pounding so hard I was sure they could hear it. "But I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"
They exchanged glances—quick, wordless communication that spoke to centuries of knowing each other.
"Always," Thane said immediately, his golden-brown eyes shining with absolute faith, no hesitation in his voice. "Whatever you need, Lily."
