I’d known this wasn’t a good idea. I’d tried to tell her, butHolly was stubborn and wouldn’t listen, and now look what we were dealing with.
Carefully, I started to unwrap myself from around her. I couldn’t even blame Holly for this. It was my arm stretched out under her neck. It was my hand resting on her soft belly. I was one hundred and ten percent guilty for the situation we found ourselves in.
“It’s Christmas!” a musical voice exclaimed, and I looked up to see Noelle staring down at us. Her hair was a mess, her braids falling out, but her beautiful big eyes were filled with wonder.
I’d never spent much time around kids. I was an only child and any cousins I had lived across the country. Holidays were lonely without someone to play with, but I’d had my dad and that was enough. He mightn’t have been the sweetest, gentlest or even most patient man you could meet, but he knew how to have fun and make the time we did get together special. But even with my lack of experience, Noelle just made it seem so easy. She smiled and laughed. She hadn’t complained about the changes of plans and her worries were justified. Holly might be doing this alone, but she was doing a damn good job. Not that it was surprising really. Holly seemed to be good at everything she did.
“Morning, munchkin,” Holly garbled, her voice still heavy with sleep.
I knew the moment Holly realized the position we were in. Every muscle in her body went rigid as she sucked in a breath.
“Breathe,” I whispered in her ear as I pulled my arm out from under her and rolled off the mattress onto the floor.
Holly stared up at me with horror written all over her face. I knew the feeling. I’d been there barely a moment ago. But there was nothing to be horrified over. We hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Stay in bed for a few more minutes,” I suggested as I shivered. “I’ll get the fire roaring again.”
Before I climbed into bed last night, I’d taken every second I could to do everything I could to avoid the inevitable including stoking the fire in hopes it would stay blazing through the night. And while there was still a soft glow and steady flicker, the warmth had died, and the temperature had plummeted.
“Mom?”
“Yes, Noelle,” Holly replied as she attempted to finger-comb her hair.
“I’m cold,” Noelle whined.
“Climb in here,” Holly invited, lifting the blankets.
I watched as Noelle slipped under the covers and rested her head on her mother’s shoulder. As I grabbed another log and jammed it in the fireplace, I wished I could climb back in there with them and cherish the moment.
When Shayna had left, I’d given up a lot of things, the idea of ever having a family being one of them. Shayna had broken me in a way I never thought was possible, and even the thought of giving someone the power to do that to me again made me want to put my fist through a wall. It wasn’t until Noelle and Holly crashed into my life that I realized how dumb I’d been. Shayna wasn’t missing out on things, I was. I was missing out on this. On having someone look at me like I’d hung the stars. On having someone to look after, someone to care for, someone to make smile.
I wasn’t stupid enough to think Holly was that person, she was only passing through—something I had to keep telling myself over and over and over again, but maybe there was someone out there. Someone who’d want to stay in Evergreen Lake. Someone who’d like to live a slow, quiet life. Someone I could take fishing on the lake. Someone who’d want to spend the weekends curled up in bed, eating snacks, and watching oldmovies. Someone I could spend all my days thinking about, dreaming about, and wanting to do nothing else than make them happy. Maybe it was time for me to find out.
I listened as Holly and Noelle chatted. Noelle was animated and alive, while Holly struggled to keep up. I had no doubt Holly was like me. Dysfunctional until powered by caffeine.
“Do you think Santa came?” Noelle asked, practically bouncing.
“I’m not sure,” Holly replied. “Do you think you’ve been a good girl this year?”
Noelle rolled her eyes, and I snorted. Both of their heads snapped around and stared at me. It was obvious they’d been so caught up in their bubble they’d forgotten I was there. I tried not to take it personally. I got the distinct feeling that Holly and Noelle had learned to depend on each other, and letting someone else in wasn’t easy for them. I didn’t know their story, I didn’t know where Noelle’s dad was, but they didn’t talk about him, so I let it go. It wasn’t my place.
“Why don’t you both get up and see what Santa left under the tree?” I suggested.
Holly’s eyes widened while Noelle tried to scramble off the mattress making Holly jolt.
“Come on, Mom!” Noelle cried, tugging Holly’s hand.
I added another log, hoping it wouldn’t take too long to warm up. The last thing I needed was someone getting sick because the fire had died. I walked over to the edge of the mattress and held my hand out for Holly. For a long moment she sat and stared at it like it was going to electrocute her before placing her palm in mine. For some reason, this felt like more. We’d spent all night wrapped up in each other’s arms, but having her fingers tangled with mine just felt like more.
I pulled her up and held on until she was steady on her feet. “You good?”
She looked anything but. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she replied, her eyes scanning my desk in the corner before coming back to me, her gaze questioning. Then Holly leaned forward, the warmth of her breath tickling my cheek. “Where are the presents?” she whispered.
I felt the grin on my lips stretch my cheeks.
“Put your shoes on, ladies. You don’t want your toes to get cold,” I instructed, looking down at their sock-covered feet.
Holly obeyed but didn’t stop looking at me, no doubt wondering what I was up to. I couldn’t blame her. When she’d climbed into bed last night, we’d agreed to stack Noelle’s gifts in the corner, and she could open them when she woke up. But then I’d gone and changed the plans. I just hoped she agreed that my idea was a whole lot better.
