Watching the way Jake interacted with Cassie just confirmed what I’d always known in my heart. Jake was an incredible father to our daughter. He was patient, kind, and looked at her like she was the sun his world circled. They chatted all the way through dinner while Mom and I kept exchanging glances. Every time Jake picked up her fork or handed Cassie her water bottle, he wormed his way into my heart just a little more. So, when Cassie asked Jake to tuck her in and read her a book, I was thankful for the seat I was sitting on because I was pretty sure I would’ve melted into a puddle on the floor.
Watching them go hand in hand hurt. I felt left out like I’d been replaced. Jealousy was rearing its ugly head, and I hated myself.
Clearing the table, I started stacking the dishwasher only to drop a glass, sending shards scattering around my bare toes. On the verge of tears, Mom took the plates out of my hands and shooed me out of the kitchen.
Stepping into Cassie’s room, one that looked like a tornado had whipped through it, I was stunned by what I found. Jake was lying on Cassie’s bed, his feet dangling over the end, Cassie’s head tucked into the nook of his shoulder. That was my nook. That’s where my head went, and I’d been replaced by my own daughter. I know that’s how it was supposed to go, but I guess I was just jealous it had happened so quickly. I’d barely gotten Jake back, I hadn’t even really got him back, we weren’t together, and he’d already been stolen from me.
“Mom.”
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Can you come and read with us?” Cassie asked in that voice that usually got her everything she wanted.
“Sweetie, there’s no room. You and Jake keep reading, and I’ll be in to kiss you goodnight when you’re done,” I told her, ignoring the pout creeping across her face.
Jake wriggled, dragging Cassie with him. “There’s plenty of room. Come on, Mom,” Jake encouraged.
Having him call me Mom made my heart roar.
Biting the bullet, I laid down on the bed beside Cassie, trying not to fall off the edge. A single bed wasn’t big enough for all of us. “All right, you two. What are we reading?” I asked, trying to keep a lid on my excitement.
Lying there, listening to Jake read to Cassie, trying to do all the voices was heaven. This was everything I ever wanted. Blinking back the tears, I closed my eyes and just laid there, feeling the warmth of my daughter against me while Jake's toes touched my leg.
The book ended, and we put Cassie to bed. Like parents. We tucked her in, kissed her on the forehead, and wished her sweet dreams before dimming the lights and leaving her to sleep.
Walking down the hall, side by side, Jake’s hand reached down, his fingers tangling with mine. Not wanting to question it, I went with it.
When we reached the living area, Jake let go, and I felt lost. When he reached for his hat he’d left sitting on the coffee table, I knew he was heading out, and I realized how much I hated the idea. We hadn’t had any time. There’d been no time for us, and I wasn’t ready to say goodnight.
“I’ve gotta go. We have an early morning tomorrow,” he offered in the way of explanation, and I knew he wasn’t lying. Of course, he had an early morning, but that didn’t make it any less disappointing.
“Oh,” I choked out.
“What are you doing on Saturday?” Jake asked, and my heart perked up. Maybe he did want to see me again.
“Not a lot. I have to take Cassie to buy some new shoes. Damn kid keeps outgrowing them faster than I can buy them, but other than that, my social calendar is pretty much nonexistent,” I admitted, not realizing what I’d said until it was already out there.
“I’d love to take Cassie out to my place and introduce her to Mom.”
“Oh,” I deflated. It wasn’t about me. He didn’t want me. He wanted Cassie. Of course, he wanted her. When I wasn’t caught up in my head and projecting my wants and needs, I knew deep down that’s what I wanted him to want. I was just hurt and disappointed.
“Kel… Marshmallow,” he tried.
Pushing down my emotions, I could fall apart as I watched his taillights disappear down the road, I forced a smile. “Absolutely. We could be there at about nine if that works?” I offered, trying to be helpful.
I could see that I’d knocked Jake off-balance, but he wasn’t one to be discouraged.
“Kellie…”
I stepped outside onto the porch, Jake trailing behind me. Taking a deep breath, I continued, “It’s fine. I’ll bring Cassie out on Saturday so she can meet your mom. Maybe you could show her the chickens while she’s there. I’m sure she’d love that,” I encouraged. “Then I could come pick her up whenever you’re ready.”
“Pick her up? What are you talking about?” Jake snapped, making me take a step back, my butt bumping into the railing.
When I didn’t reply, Jake continued crowding me against the rail. “Why the hell would you drop her off and then run away?” Jake pinned me with a stare, and I shivered under his gaze.
“So, you can spend time with Cassie. Introduce her to your mom,” I choked out.
“Kellie Louise Knight. Listen and listen good. I’m not going to lie. I want Cassie in my life, I’m not going to lie about it, and I won’t apologize for it either.”
