Mom arrived home just as I was serving dinner. Nothing exciting, just some steamed chicken and vegetables because after seeing how good Jake looked and realizing how much I’d let myself go, ordering the cheeseburger I’d been dreaming about seemed like a really bad idea.
“Good timing. I was just about to eat,” I told her as she put her purse on the counter.
Noticing how good Mom looked, I knew it didn’t matter who she went out with or what they discussed. For the first time since Cassidy had died, at least the first time I remembered, Mom was wearing a dress, heels, had curled her hair, and put on makeup. She looked pretty. Younger than her birth certificate would tell you.
“I’m not that hungry. I ate so much at lunch,” she declined, rubbing her stomach. “Where’s Cass?”
“Already tucked in bed and sound asleep.”
“Oh.” Disappointment marred her face. “I might just duck in and say a quick good night,” Mom offered before disappearing down the hall. There was no point arguing with her. If kissing her granddaughter goodnight made her happy, then have at it. As long as she didn’t wake her, we were all good.
By the time she reappeared, I was washing up my plate, having already eaten and packed away the leftovers to find Mom’s face scrubbed clean of her makeup and changed into her pajamas.
“How was lunch?” I asked nervously.
“It was so good. I hadn’t realized how much I missed Shelley. And we have so much in common.”
“Things in common like you share a granddaughter?” I forced a laugh.
“Well, that too. But we barely even spoke about you and Jake. We mainly chatted about life and how it’s kicked us in the balls lately. Me with Cassidy and Shelley with her Jacob.”
“Oh. Well, it’s good, you’ve got someone to talk to,” I forced out, not wanting to relive what happened to Cassidy tonight. I was already wiped out. I really wasn’t up for taking a stroll down that emotionally rocky road.
“It was nice having someone who understands how hard it is. I don’t know, I just felt like I could be myself with her. Something I don’t think I’ve had for a long time. Even since before Cassidy. When your father left…”
“Don’t call him that!” I snapped.
He wasn’t a father. He wasn’t a dad. He was a sperm donor who took off when I needed him and didn’t look back. He was a man who chose another man’s son over his own daughters. The only reason I even knew he was still alive was the fact he’d come after Cassidy’s money before her body was even buried in the ground. Mom might’ve forgiven him, but I never would.
“When he left, I think I lost part of myself. Maybe it’s time for me to try and find it again.”
Taking a deep breath, I tried to let go of the steam filling me. This wasn’t about me, and it wasn’t about him. It was about Mom and what she needed. And if she needed a friend and Shelley could be that person for her, then that’s what I wanted for her.
“Do it, Mom,” I told her, moving in front of her and taking her hands in mine. “All I want is for you to be happy. So, you do you. You saved me when I needed it, and I can never repay you for that, but now maybe it’s time to save yourself.”
“But what about you, sweetheart?”
“I’ll be fine. I’m not going anywhere. Cass and I are your family, so we’ll always be here for you. But maybe it’s time for you to focus on getting your own happily ever after.”
I heard what I was saying and chose to ignore it. I returned the exact advice Mom had given me so many times over the years, but our situations were different. Mom was in the position to do anything, go anywhere, and be whoever she wanted to be. I had responsibilities and commitments I needed to keep, not that Cass was ever a problem, but at the end of the day, Cass was my daughter. I wanted Mom to have the opportunity to simply be her grandmother, not her caretaker.
“And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“What about your happily ever after?”
I sighed. “I don't think that’s on the cards for me. But you know what? I’m gonna be okay. Even if I have to go it alone, I can do this.”
Mom pressed up on her toes and kissed my forehead. “Yes, you can, sweetheart. I have no doubt but don’t close your heart off to your fairy-tale ending, either. You never know. Prince Charming might just be closer than you think.”
“From your mouth to God’s ears.” I smiled, playing off her words as if they didn’t rattle me to the core.
Sure, I could do this alone. I was doing okay so far. I mean, I wasn’t completely failing, and for me, that was a win. It didn’t mean I wanted to, though. The problem was there was only one man who could ever be my Prince Charming and once he knew the truth, I was pretty sure he’d want nothing to do with me.
“Well, I’m going to go to bed.”
“It’s only seven-thirty,” Mom pointed out, surprised.
