“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to, missy,” Liam grumbled, pointing his finger at me as he went and opened the door.
“Take your time, won’t you?” Hannah snarked pushing her way in, baby Bailey squirming in her arms.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
I’d seen Hannah earlier at the hospital when she stopped by after the procedure but she was a new mom and Mason was on the road, so she was the last person I expected to see on my doorstep tonight.
“Is that any way to greet your best friend when she shows up with your favorite god daughter and your favorite noodles?”
“Noodles? Who brought Noodles?” Liam asked, pouring himself a glass of wine.
“So, how are you feeling?” Hannah asked, settling herself beside me, close enough I could look down into Bailey’s sleeping face. She’d gotten so big already.
“Sore. Tired. Miserable.”
“So, you’re fine then?”
“I can’t complain.” I smiled at her.
“Have you heard from Luke?”
“She has. She’s just too chicken shit to listen to what he has to say or reply to any one of his number of texts,” Liam snitched.
“Charlotte Louise Rowe!” Hannah snapped full naming and shaming me. “You’re avoiding him?”
“I’m not avoiding him.”
“You are. Why?”
“Because she’s a big fat scaredy cat who lied to the man she loves and is now hiding instead of telling him about the amazing thing she did today.”
“You’re going to have to tell him, Charlotte.”
“I know. And I will. Just not tonight. Tonight, I just want to sleep. I’m too tired and too sore to tell him,” I conceded with a yawn. “I’m just going to let Luke know I’m going to bed before I crash. I’m sorry I’m not much fun tonight, guys. Thank you for coming and for being there today.”
“Oh, shhh! You know we wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” Liam scolded.
“Now text that man of yours and we’ll help get you into bed,” Hannah said, handing her daughter over to Liam who looked like he was going to shit his pants.
“What do I say?” I asked, staring at the blank message.
“You could say …” Liam began but Hannah clamped a hand over his mouth.
“Be honest.”
“Hannah,” I sighed, wishing they’d stop pushing. I felt bad enough as it was. I didn’t need their guilt trip as well.
“Be as honest as you can. Tell him the truth.”
"I can’t. Not yet.”
“Why the hell not?” Liam asked his voice laced with shock.
“Because what if it doesn’t work? What if I put him through all of this and it’s for nothing?” I asked, giving voice to my greatest fears.
It hadn’t hit me until I was being wheeled into the theatre. The truth had been staring me in the face all along, but I’d been hiding behind my excuses. I figured if I told myself enough times that I was keeping it all a secret from Luke to save him from worrying, maybe I’d start to believe it but that wasn’t the truth at all. The truth was I was terrified. Not of the surgery, not even of the recovery. I was afraid that I wasn’t enough. That it wouldn’t work. That I couldn’t save Isla. I loved that little girl more than I thought it was possible to ever love someone and if I was her best hope and I still wasn’t enough … I wasn’t sure I’d be able to deal with that.
"Sweetie,” Liam softened. “don’t you think Luke’s already worrying about that. He knows there’s no guarantees whether it was you that donated or some random guy down the road.”
