My heart sank. What the fuck was I supposed to do now?
25
CHARLOTTE
“Areyou sure you want to do this?” Liam asked, standing beside my bed holding my hand.
I looked over at him. “I have to do this, Liam,” I replied. There was no way I was changing my mind. I couldn’t.
“If it was any other kid …”
“If it was any other kid, you know I’d be doing the same,” I finished for him.
“I know. I’m just …”
“Just what?”
“Don’t you think you should’ve told Luke?”
“He’s got enough to worry about.” I brushed his comment off like it was nothing.
Part of me felt guilty as hell I’d kept this from him, but I couldn’t tell him. He already had enough on his plate. Worrying wasn’t going to help. Besides, I had some amazing friends who could help. Liam was here and Hannah had already stopped by. From the moment I’d set this whole plan in motion, they’d been beside me every step of the way and I had no reason to think that would change now.
Leaving Luke this morning had been hard. Isla had spent the night in hospital again which meant Luke had stayed until the early hours of the morning trying to sleep beside her bed. Sometime around four he came in and slid in next to me, holding me so tight I could barely breathe. When his fat, salty tears hit my shoulder as sobs wracked his exhausted body, I knew I couldn’t add to his stresses.
Together we’d gotten up and while he showered, I’d made coffee, like every other morning. The only difference was, when he wasn’t looking, I tipped mine down the sink.
“You’re going to stop by and see her?” he’d asked as we headed down to the cars.
“Yep. First thing.” I tried not to elaborate. The less lies I told, the more I hoped he’d forgive me. And even if he couldn’t find it in his heart to forgive me, eventually that would be okay too. I was doing the right thing. Luke mightn’t see it at the time, but I hoped when the dust settled, he’d understand. He had enough to deal with today. Worrying about me too wasn’t something he needed to waste his time on. Isla needed him to be one hundred and ten percent focused on her, and I refused to get in the way of that.
When we reached the car park, Luke hugged me tightly before placing a quick kiss against my lips. “Love you,” I reminded him, needing to say it one last time.
“I love you too,” Luke replied. “And I want you to move in.”
“What?” I half-screeched, not really believing what I thought I’d heard.
“I know it’s shitty timing and not the most romantic proposal you’ve ever had, but I want you to move in with us. I want your clothes in my cupboard. I want your shoes by the door. I want to fall asleep with you every night in my arms and I want you to be there for pancakes on Saturday mornings.”
“Are you sure?” I blurted out, completely blindsided.
I’d been so caught up in my head for the last couple of days, all my energy was spent trying to keep things normal and not blurt out this huge secret I was carrying. I hadn’t even thought about moving in or changing anything else. My plan had been to get past this hurdle, get Isla better, and see where we landed.
“I’m sure. Charlotte, I love you. And I know your ex was a fuckwit who fucked you over.” I winced at Luke’s words. I mean, he wasn’t wrong but the last thing I had the brain power to deal with right now were memories of Todd and how catastrophically that had gone to shit. “But I’m not him. I’m not.”
“I know that. I’m just … are you sure now’s the right time. I mean, Isla is …”
“Going to get better. And when she’s better and home I want you with us. As part of our family.”
I didn’t know what to say. The words were caught in my throat. I wanted to cry and hug him and scream a million times over, yes. But I was scared. I was fucking petrified if I was being honest. Right now, Luke loved me. He wanted me to move in and be part of his life. His family. And I was hiding something from him. Something big. Something that could destroy it all.
“Okay,” I said meekly.
“Okay?”
“Yeah, okay. Let’s just get through today, and then we can go from there,” I suggested. “I mean, I don't have to pack my bags tonight.”
“No. Not tonight. But soon, Charlotte,” Luke reaffirmed before kissing me so deeply it made my toes curl in my sneakers.
