“A minute. Luke, you’re exhausted. I’ve been here for half an hour chatting with Isla and you didn’t even rouse,” Mrs. Neal offered. If it’d been anyone else pointing out what a fuck up I was, I probably would’ve ripped their head off. But this was Mrs. Neal. She didn’t say anything out of spite or judgment. Her comments came from a place of love and genuine care, which was in short supply around here these days.
“I’m fine.”
“When did you last eat?”
“Umm …” I had coffee for breakfast, well half a cup because it turned my stomach and made me want to hurl.
“Right. Go home. Eat. Have a shower and then you can come back for the night.”
“But …”
“No, Luke. No buts. You’re no use to anyone if you’re burned out, so scram. Isla and I are fine here, aren’t we?” she asked Isla, knowing if Isla was on her side my objections would be rendered invalid.
“Are you sure?”
“Dad! Go!” Isla shooed me out the door with a promise to be good and the request for a cupcake.
I wish I hadn’t left her.
I don't know what hurt the most. Seeing another guy tucking Charlotte into bed or the fact that when we needed her the most she wasn’t there. I’d opened myself up to her. I’d let down my walls, walls I swore I’d never let anyone through and when I needed her to tell me that it was okay, when I needed her to remind me to breathe, when I needed her to assure me Isla was going to be okay, she wasn’t there. It fucking hurt.
Leaving Charlotte’s place, I headed straight home for the shower, almost breaking down when I saw signs of her everywhere. Her shampoo was sitting on the shelf. Her toothbrush by the sink. Her shoes in the corner of the room. Her pajamas tucked under her pillow. Charlotte was everywhere. I needed to get it together, but not tonight. I couldn’t be fucked right now. Right now, I had to focus on what was important and that no longer included Charlotte.
As much as I hated to admit it, Mrs. Neal had been right. I’d stood in the shower for longer than normal just trying to wash off the day. Talk about fucking rough. Holding your daughter’s hand as she’s wheeled through the corridors of the hospital is fucking terrifying. It doesn’t matter how bright the walls are, how cheery and smiley the nurses are, it’s scary as fuck. But I couldn’t be scared. I had to be strong. I had to keep reassuring Isla everything was going to be okay, even if that meant lying to her. The mess with Charlotte was a clusterfuck. But I was too tired to deal with that tonight. All I wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep for a month.
After a shower, I heated up some mac and cheese I found in the fridge, no doubt something Mrs. Neal had snuck in and I’d never been more grateful. Shoveling pasta in, by the time I was done, I just needed to sit for a minute.
I woke up four hours later.
It was all dark and the moment my eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room, guilt smashed into me like a freight train. I should’ve been back at the hospital ages ago.
“Fuck!” I swore, jumping up and smashing my shin on the edge of the coffee table.
Digging my phone from my pocket I checked to see if Mrs. Neal had called or worse, the hospital. I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t be able to breathe properly until I was told Isla was in remission and safely tucked up in her bed.
There weren’t any calls from the hospital. There was more than a dozen missed calls from Charlotte and one solitary text I wasn’t in the mood to deal with.
Despite the stress, I had a lot to be thankful for. Somehow Isla had gotten lucky and they’d found a donor. My friends, my work colleagues were incredible. They’d rolled up their sleeves, got tested and were ready to donate. None of them were matches, but just the fact they were willing to try meant the world to me.
Splashing some water on my face, I changed my shirt and was out the door ten minutes later.
Arriving at the hospital, Isla was already asleep and Mrs. Neal was quietly reading in the chair beside her bed. Having her as part of our family, we couldn’t have asked for someone better.
Slipping into the room as quietly as I could, I whispered, “How’s she doing?”
“She’s okay. A bit tired but they told me that was to be expected.”
“Thank you for staying with her and I’m so sorry I’m so late. After I ate, thank you very much, I was just going to rest for five minutes, and only just woke up.”
“You needed the rest.”
“I should’ve been here,” I confessed, feeling like a shitty father.
“Luke, Isla needs you to be the best version of yourself and burning yourself out, isn’t that. She’s safe, she’s in the best hands she could possibly be in. It’s okay for you to take a moment to catch your breath.”
“I still should’ve been here.”
Mrs. Neal stuffed her book back in her oversized bag and came over to me, cupping my cheek. “It’s okay to let people help you.”
