“But do you know that she would do anything to see you not hurting? You might be all grown up and off living your own life, whatever that looks like, but she only wants you to be happy. You and Hannah. I mean, do you think any of us, in our wildest dreams, would've imagined your sister settling down with a jock? Your book nerd sister?”
“No.”
“But does it matter? Absolutely not. Because for better or worse Mason makes Hannah happy. That’s all we want for you.”
Setting the bouquet on the roof of the car, I leaned against it, folding my legs and crossing my arms across my chest. “I was happy, Dad,” I admitted as a wave of sadness and pain knocked me off-balance.
“I know you were, son. And we adored Cassidy. But seeing you like this, you're not our Hayden anymore. You’re hurting and your mom and me, we don’t know how to help.”
“You can’t,” I gasped out, barely able to breathe.
I hadn’t planned on having a heart-to-heart with Dad on the drive, but maybe in the end, that’s what I needed. I needed him to tell me it was okay to be hurting. It was okay to be lost and confused and angry all at the same time. I needed someone to let me off the hook, because I couldn’t do it myself.
“And that’s the hardest part of being a parent. Seeing your child suffering and knowing there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it. But you’re going to be okay. It might not be today or tomorrow, but, Hayden, I can promise you this, you’re going to get through it. And one day, you might find someone else who makes you happy again. It might be different to the happiness and love you shared with Cassidy and that’s okay too. Just don't close yourself off while you find your way back.”
And for the first time since Skye had called me and told me Cassidy was dead, I cried.
Standing there in front of my parents’ house, Dad wrapped his arms around me and held me as I fell apart, sobbing on his shoulder.
I don't know how long we stood there, but not once did Dad flinch. He was the strongest man I’d ever known and he held me until I had no more tears and I was exhausted. Finally, when his shirt was soggy from my tears and I didn’t think I had anything left, I lifted my head and looked up at the man who’d always been there for me. Mom might’ve been the glue that held this family together, but Dad was my rock.
“I’m—”
“If you say you’re sorry I’m going to kick your butt. You have nothing to apologize for. Absolutely nothing. You hear me?”
“Yes, Dad.”
“Right, I’m going to take these flowers and go give them to your mother. I’m assuming that’s who they’re for?” he began, picking up the forgotten bunch from on top of my car. “And you, you’re going to go home, climb into bed and sleep. I know you have a night shift tonight, but, Hayden, you’re exhausted. Go home, get some rest and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“But Mom—”
“Will understand. I promise.”
Dad was right. I was exhausted. After another hug—one so tight I somehow felt like he was holding all my broken pieces together—he stood there, flowers in hand, and watched as I backed out of the drive and headed home, but only after making me promise to let him know when I’d made it.
I don't know if it was the emotional breakdown or the fact someone had allowed me to just stop for a second that had me crawling into bed and passing out within minutes.
It was almost midnight and I was sitting in our patrol car outside of a dodgy kebab shop waiting for Dickson while he grabbed a snack when my phone chirped. Everyone I knew should be asleep by now so I was surprised when it went off.
Skye:I need your help
“Fuck!” I growled at the same time Dickson slid behind the wheel, bringing with him the smell of meat and garlic.
“What? What’d I miss?” Dickson asked, looking down at the silent radio.
“Nothing. It’s just…”
“Just what? And don’t say nothing because from where I’m sitting I don’t know whether to be more worried about that vein on your forehead popping and covering me in blood, or if I should just drive you straight to the dentist because you’ve ground your teeth so damn hard.”
I handed him my phone and showed him Skye’s message.
Being the asshole, shithead prick he was, Dickson didn’t hand it back to me. Instead he dialed her number, putting it on speaker.
Every time it rang, I felt my heart speeding up. My stomach was in my throat and I had to wipe my sweaty palms on my pants.
“Hayden?” she answered in a whisper.
“Skye, it’s Dickson. What’s going on?”
