Claire
The days passed,and things seemed to be getting back to normal. Thankfully. Last night I’d even managed to convince everyone to go out on their weekly trivia night and leave me home alone, something they hadn’t done since I’d been attacked. It took some arguing and they checked in a handful of times while they were gone, but I did it. I survived a night at home without completely falling apart. Slowly but surely, I was getting my life back and not a minute too soon.
It was Wednesday morning, and I had the day off. Isla had been amazing. She was the boss I wished everyone had. She was kind, honest, caring, and most of all understanding. When Toby had asked me to empty the bins last night, I froze. Isla didn’t miss a beat. She just stepped in and implemented a new rule without pointing the finger at me or making me look like a freak. No one was allowed out the back after dark on their own. It wasn’t safe. So, Isla had scooped up a bag herself and followed me into the corral where we’d dumped the rubbish, and I took a second to get my heartbeat under control.
It was when we were walking back inside, she stopped me and suggested I join her self-defence class. At first, I thought the idea was dumb, but the more I thought about it, the better it sounded. Just because I’d know how to defend myself, didn’t mean I’d have to. It might just give me back the confidence that prick in the black balaclava stole. And that idea alone was enough to have me signing up.
Feeling reinvigorated by my progress and the bright sunny day, I needed to get out of the house. I was sick of being cooped up. Since everything that had happened, if I wasn’t at work, I was home. The place was spotless. Even Warner had complained that everything constantly smelt like lemon-scented bleach.
Changing into my shorts, t-shirt, and runners, I grabbed my bag and headed out. Not after an argument with my way too protective brother, but he was going to have to get over himself. I appreciated everything he’d done for me, I really did, but it was time to loosen his grip a little and let me get on with my life. Living in a bubble wasn’t going to work for either of us.
It felt amazing to have the sun on my skin. As soon as I was outside on the footpath, everything felt better. Autumn was in the air, and the leaves were beginning to turn, but it was still a beautiful day. After a quick pit stop to grab a coffee and a chocolate chip cookie the size of my palm, I wandered along enjoying the sunshine. For mid-morning on a Wednesday, it was surprisingly busy. Mums pushed strollers in their fancy brand named work out gear, while others were led along by their designer puppies wearing matching coats.
Turning the corner, I spotted the beach up ahead and knew that’s where I needed to be. When I’d left home, I hadn’t planned on coming here, but my feet just led the way and I had a feeling I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Draining the last of the coffee from my cup, I tossed it in the bin before bounding down the stairs and across the sand. Once I hit the beach, I stopped and took off my shoes and socks before continuing my walk in the ankle-deep water. Feeling the way the sand squelched beneath my toes, hearing the sound of the waves crashing on the shore, everything seemed to calm me.
“You look happy,” a deep voice startled me.
Spinning around, I came face to face with Seth. Well, he was looking in my eyes, and I was staring at his sweaty chest. Not that anyone would blame me. He was buff, tanned, and I don’t know if it was saltwater dotting his skin or sweat, it didn’t matter. My mouth watered at the sight and I wanted to lick it off.
“Morning, Seth. You still trying to learn to surf?”
“I’m starting to think I should probably just stick to soccer.”
“Might be a good idea.”
“How are you feeling this morning? I didn’t keep you up too late last night, did I?”
Seth sounded nervous. It was cute but unlike him. Not that I could blame him. Since we’d talked the other night and I’d given him my new number, something I’d almost given myself an ulcer over as soon as I’d done it, we’d been up late every night chatting about absolutely nothing. We talked about movies and bands we wanted to see. Seth told me about all the places in the world he wanted to visit, and I confessed my dream to bake the perfect lemon meringue pie. For a guy, he was a damn good listener and I was a very lucky girl to have him in my corner.
“Well, I may just need a nap this afternoon, but I’m good. How are you feeling today?”
“As long as I don’t think about it, everything’s sweet.”
One thing I’d learnt about Seth was he loved living in denial. If he could pretend it wasn’t an issue or it wasn’t happening, then it wasn’t. Simple. Easy. I wish I could be more like him sometimes.
“You’re such a guy sometimes.”
“Claire, I’ll tell you a little secret. I’m a guy all the time.”
Rolling my eyes at him, I couldn’t help but laugh. He had a point. “What are you doing down here anyway?”
After a few minutes talking shit, something we’d become masters at, I couldn’t stand it anymore. Before everything had gone to hell, Seth and I were making progress. I mean, the last time I was alone with him, we were driving home after a night spent cocooned in a hotel room where he spent hours wringing every ounce of pleasure from my body leaving me boneless and breathless. Now we were standing here talking about the weather like we were strangers. It was fucking ridiculous.
“So, are you going to ask me out again or was that a one-time thing?” I threw the comment out there not giving a shit who was walking past or who heard me. We’d been up late every night chatting about absolutely nothing… but we’d avoided anything of real consequence. I wasn’t ready to talk about it, mainly because I was embarrassed. No matter how many times Isaac tried to tell me it wasn’t my fault, I wasn’t listening. And Seth, well I knew he deserved the truth, but I had no idea how to tell him, so I’d done what I was quickly becoming a master at…avoiding.
Obviously, I’d caught Seth off guard. He coughed and spluttered and took a step back. I’d pushed him too far. He was running. Some days I was a complete moron. If only I thought through the consequences of my actions, I wouldn’t make myself look like such an idiot, something I was getting way too good at these days.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to put any pressure on you…” I started backtracking.
“It’s not that,” Seth scrubbed his hand down his face as if to buy himself some time, “I just didn’t think you wanted…”
“I wanted what?” I pushed.
If this was where this ended, well then, that sucked, but it is what it is. Nothing I could do about it so there was no point backing down now. Knowing either way had to be better than continuing to pretend to be a mushroom and stay in the dark. I was getting really good at dreaming up scenarios in my head of what Seth was thinking and why. Hearing him say it might sting like a motherfucker, but I’d live. After all, I’d survived worse. What harm could a little rejection do?
“After the other day, I thought you just wanted to be friends,” Seth confirmed, his cheeks turning pink with his confession.
