Claire spun on her stool to face me and took my hands in hers. I felt the zap of electricity pass between us, and I wondered if she felt it too. Surely, I couldn’t be the only one feeling this. A week ago, I know she’d been right there with me. You didn’t come undone like that if you were faking it, but now, now I had no fucking idea.
“I wasn’t selected. I’ve got some work to do to get up to speed.”
I wanted to tell her the truth. The whole truth. I wanted to tell her that I was scared that it wouldn’t matter how hard I worked or how fit I got; I still wouldn’t be enough. That I’d never measure up. That I was destined to let everyone down. But here wasn’t the place. And now definitely wasn’t the time.
With another squeeze of my hand, Claire offered me a soft smile. “You’ll get there, Seth. I know you will.”
“Yeah. Maybe.”
I wasn’t so convinced. But hearing that Claire still believed in me had me sitting a little straighter.
Needing to redirect this conversation to the real problem, or at least away from my own dramas, I nervously asked Claire, “And what about you? Where’d you vanish to?” I wasn’t sure I was ready for the answer, but being kept in the dark wasn’t working for me, so this had to help.
“I didn’t vanish exactly…” Claire began and tried to pull her hands away, but I held firm.
“Well, you didn’t show up.”
I heard the words come out of my mouth and apologised quickly. I sounded like a bitchy, whiny woman who got stood up and whose feelings got hurt. That wasn’t who I was and definitely not who I wanted to be.
“I know.”
Claire’s hands were trembling in mine, and her eyes fell to the floor. Whatever the hell happened, whatever it was that I’d missed it wasn’t good. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that.
After a moment, Claire took a deep breath, straightened her spine, and looked me dead in the eye. It was like she was preparing herself for battle. Damn, this girl was impressive. No matter how scared she was, no matter how nervous or afraid, she still sat up and faced it head-on. I knew I could learn a thing or two from her.
“And I know I owe you an explanation, but not here, Seth. Not like this.”
“Okay,” I agreed quickly.
I wanted to play it cool, but that wasn’t who I was. Not really. I was worried about her. Even after spending only a short time together, Claire had somehow managed to burrow herself so deep under my skin I wondered if I’d ever be able to get her out. Not that I wanted to. Even as pissed as I’d been about her standing me up, the truth was, deep down I was more concerned.
“Do you have your phone?”
Pulling it out of my pocket, I unlocked it and handed it over.
“There. Now you have my number.”
“I already had it?”
“I got a new one. My phone…ah, it…ah…yeah, it broke so I had to get a new one.”
I knew she was lying. It was written all over her pretty face. Her eye twitched, and she looked everywhere she could but at me. I wanted to call her out on it, but this one I let slide. In the scheme of things, it wasn’t a big deal.
“So, you haven’t been getting my messages or ignoring my calls then?” I smiled feeling a little lighter. At least if she wasn’t getting them, she wasn’t outright ignoring me. I was counting my wins where I could.
“No! I wouldn’t do that,” Claire answered quickly and I believed her.
“It’s all good.”
“Look, Seth, I know I haven’t told you much…”
“Or anything really.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. But I have to get back to work. Maybe we can catch up soon and…”
“And you can fill in the blanks?” I finished. Watching her struggle with this wasn’t my idea of fun. It was torturing her, and the last thing I wanted to do was to cause her more pain. Whatever she’d been through it was enough.
“Yeah. Something like that.”
