Seth
I don’t get it.
I really don’t.
I’m not a dumb jock, at least I never considered myself to be one, but maybe I’d been fooling myself. Why I couldn’t get my shit together at training was beyond me. Playing on the high school fields with no pressure, kicking a ball in the backyard with Luca, even just practicing kicking the ball against a brick wall was easy. Simple. I didn’t have to think. But the moment I stepped out onto the field, I fell apart.
“You’re in your head again,” Luca chastised, and I felt myself shrink.
I hated being this guy. This was the last person I wanted to be. The worst thing was though, the more I sucked the harder I tried and the worse I got. I was getting paid a shit tonne of money to suck and that didn’t sit well with me. I don’t think it sat well with the others either. At least they were polite enough to keep their opinions to themselves. For now. I was positive if I didn’t get my shit together soon, they wouldn’t be as nice.
“I don’t get it,” I huffed, putting my hands on my head.
The frustrations were bubbling. This wasn’t working. Not for me and not for the team. Something had to give, and I just hoped it wasn’t me. I loved it up here. The last thing I wanted to do was to be dropped and have to slink back to Melbourne like a loser. I’m sure Bryce would just love that. Yet another thing to bust my balls over.
“Maybe he just needs to get laid?” Angus called out as he sunk down on the grass.
“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?” Hamish taunted, and Angus flipped him the bird. It was no secret that Angus was coming off the divorce from hell. It was on the front page of every paper in town for most of last month while his conniving, money-hungry bitch of an ex cried her cold black heart out for the media to lap up. And lap it up they did. Fucking Scarlet definitely knew how to turn on the waterworks when she wanted to.
“You’re fucking funny,” I threw back casually dismissing their suggestion while secretly tucking it away, wondering if it was my problem after all. It’d been a while. Not that I’d ever tell them that, but still. Couldn’t hurt getting my dick wet.
“Are you lot going to sit around and gossip like a bunch of women at book club or are you actually going to try and get your shit together and, well, I don’t know, maybe win a game.”
“Coach…” someone started to complain but Luca quickly cut them off.
“I mean, I saw how well you did last year. Must feel good to not finish on the bottom of the ladder.”
“Well, it could’ve been worse…”
“Not really sure how. You won one game. It’s the only thing that saved you from the coveted wooden spoon, which, let’s face it…you deserved.”
“Come on, man. That’s being a bit harsh, don’t you think?”
“I dunno. You tell me.”
With Luca’s taunts and accusations hanging out in the air like a bad smell, Angus vaulted back to his feet and started jogging towards the goals. “You arseholes coming?” he called out, glancing over his shoulder and with a collective groan, everyone, Luca included, fell in behind him and started running laps.
By the time we stumbled off the field my legs were like jelly, I was sweating like a whore in a church, and everything ached. Including my very sunburnt forehead. Collapsing on the wooden bench in the locker room, I leant back against the wall and closed my eyes for a second. I needed to get up and get changed but I needed to find the energy first. There was certainly none left in my body.
“Masters!” Luca’s voice called out, and my eyes pinged open. “In here now!”
I thought I was getting to know Luca, but that was a tone I’d never heard before. He sounded like my dad when I fucked up or let him down. Shit! The last thing I wanted to do this afternoon was get my arse reamed out for being a complete fuck up. I knew it. He knew it. Everyone knew it. It wasn’t like I could hide the fact. It was obvious to everyone.
As I moved through the other hot, sweaty bodies – damn this locker room stunk – no one met my eyes. I couldn’t blame them. If I wasn’t the one shuffling towards Coach’s office like it was a death row march, I’d be doing the exact same thing. Avoiding everything and keeping my own head down.
Knocking on the door, I waited until Luca acknowledged me before he waved me in and told me to shut the door. Gulping down the lump in my throat, I stood there like a complete chump.
“Take a seat,” Luca instructed, and I dropped into the uncomfortable metal chair. “So, wanna tell me what’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit, Seth. I’ve seen your tapes. I’ve seen you play out in the playground. Hell, I’ve been kept awake at night by you kicking it against the damn wall of the house. We both know you’re better than what you’re showing out there and I wanna know why.”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly, hanging my head with shame.
“Seth, you know if there’s something going on…you can talk to me.”
“I know.”
