“I wish,” he replied solemnly as his smile fell.
“You’re going out and don’t know when you’ll be back.”
I watched their interaction from the sidelines. Like some creepy stalker, I tracked their every move. They were so in sync that Mia knew what he would say even before he said it. Squatting down to meet her disappointed face dead on, he slipped his glasses up over his forehead before settling them on the top of his head. She silently leant towards him, leaning into his hand on her cheek. I should have looked away. Given them their privacy. But I couldn’t tear my eyes from them. They were so disgustingly happy. Part of me wanted to punch them both in the face for being so sickeningly sweet. The other part, well, she was just a jealous bitch.
I didn’t catch Derek’s response, but I caught the tiny kiss he left on her forehead as he rose to his feet.
“Be safe,” Mia mumbled.
“Always,” he said. The one word, one simple, single word was so full of promise and even though I hadn’t known Derek that long I knew it was a promise he wouldn’t willingly break in a hurry.
A moment later he was gone and we were left to our own devices. Stealing a glance at Mia, I watched as she tugged at the label on her now empty beer bottle, obviously distracted. “I don’t know how you do it, Mia.”
“Do what?” She looked up, confusion written on her face.
“Let him go like that.”
“Why?”
“His job. I mean, you never know where or when or what…”
“He’s happy. That’s all that matters.”
“But are you?” My words hung in the air like a bad smell.
The question may have seemed like it’d come from nowhere. Just some backhanded remark I spewed out in the moment. Nothing could be further from the truth. From the moment I’d moved in with them, I often wondered how Mia got through each and every one of his shifts. I’d heard the phone ring in the middle of the night, followed by the heavy footsteps through the house, barely a breath before the engine of his cruiser fired to life. There was no stability there. No guarantees. I wasn’t sure I could do it. Actually, I was pretty positive I couldn’t. Then again, Mia was a hell of a lot stronger than me. She always has been. A lot stronger than I’d ever given her credit for. If anyone could endure and thrive in the uncertainty, then it was definitely my sister.
Just as Mia’s mouth opened, an ear-splitting screech stole our attention. We were both out of the chair before we knew it, heading towards the middle of the yard, where Matilda sat screaming bloody murder. Reaching her side, I picked her up.
“Hey there. What’s all that noise about?” I asked in my calmest voice. I heard it waver, but thankfully Matilda was still too young to sense my concern. Checking her over, I quickly found the problem. Digging into the centre of her palm was a thistle. “Is this what hurts?” I inquired as I opened her hand up.
Big, fat, wet tears dripped from her eyes and every single one broke my heart. Silently, Mia moved to my side and checked it out. “Okay, Munchkin, let’s get that nasty thing out!” Mia explained as she reached down and pulled it out while I held Matilda’s wrist still. As soon as it was gone, Mia bent down and kissed the sore spot. “All better!”
Matilda giggled, all pain and tears forgotten as she once again began to wiggle in my arms. “Well, I guess she’s over that,” I huffed as I set her back on the grass. Before I’d taken a step she’d wrapped her arm around my leg and pulled herself to her feet.
“Guess so,” Mia agreed quickly, but I knew her well. Maybe too well. There was more behind her words than just Matilda’s drama. “I’m starving. I’m going to head in and find some food. You want something?”
“Sure.”
I watched Mia go, before turning and cleaning up the mess. The light hearted afternoon was over and it was all my fault. If only I’d learn to keep my big mouth shut.
After dinner, I got Matilda bathed and off to bed before braving the icy reception waiting for me in the lounge room. Ever since I’d opened my big mouth, the conversation between us had been stilted. I knew I should apologise, I should take it back, but I just couldn’t. Seeing Mia like this was painful and it was all my fault. Now things were settled, now Matilda and I were doing fine, maybe it was time we found somewhere else to live. Give Mia and Derek some space to just be. Have some time to just enjoy being together. Happy. Engaged. The more I considered the idea, the more I knew it was the right decision. Tomorrow, I’d start to figure out a plan.
Bringing my toes up on the coffee table, I focused on removing the remnants of chipped purple polish so I could apply a new colour. These days it was the only thing I did to make myself feel pretty. My hair mostly looked like I’d stuck a finger in a light socket thanks mostly to the little girl who constantly tugged at my curls, and makeup was pretty much a thing of the past. It took time and patience to apply, time I didn’t have. And clothes. Don’t even mention fashion to me. When I was in Melbourne, fashion was my world. I loved my sky high heels and silky tops. I loved anything that showed off my amazing boobs. But my absolute favourite item was a pair of black leather pants. They fit like a second skin and made my ass look fabulous. In fact, if I was a betting woman, I’d put money on it that Matilda was a result of a night out in those pants. They made me feel sexy and confident. I loved shaking my ass on the dance floor, watching the guys who circled drool as I dropped it to the floor before bouncing back up. Now, thanks to the after effects of childbirth and too many months of binge eating Tim Tams, I doubt they’d even pull up over my thunder thighs, let alone cover my fat ass. It was shit. So the only thing I had to make me feel hot these days was a coat of polish to my toes. This week, I desperately needed a boost. Hooker red it was.
Halfway through my first coat, Mia dropped into the lounge beside me and sighed heavily. There was something on her mind. She had this look about her that was a dead giveaway. She had something she wanted to say, but by the way she was chewing on her lip it was obvious she was struggling to find the words. The way her eyebrows knitted together as she twisted her hands in her lap made me cringe. She was my sister. She shouldn’t have to hold back what she was thinking or try to find the politically correct version. She should just blurt out whatever she was thinking so we could deal with it. Together. Like we had everything else life had thrown at us.
I lasted four and a half minutes. Four and a half minutes of watching her fight her thoughts. Four and a half minutes of flicking through every single television channel we had, barely pausing for a second to see what was on. Four and a half minutes before I snapped more harshly than I’d intended. “Seriously, Mia! What is it? Just spit it out already!”
“What?”
“Whatever it is that’s got your panties in a twist. Just say it already.”
“It’s not…I don’t…”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I forced myself to remain silent. Finishing the first coat, I put the lid on the polish and sunk back against the lounge. For a long moment I watched her struggle. Running her hand through her short blonde hair, Mia huffed and squeezed her eyes shut before pinching the bridge of her nose.
It was seriously pissing me off. Now was not the time though, to lose my shit and strangle her. But she was seriously testing my waning patience.
“You…you’re right.” It came out as barely a whisper.
“Of course I was,” I replied with a chuckle. I usually was, but this time I had no idea what I was actually right about. “About what, specifically?”
“Me.”
Fuck! Getting sense out of her was like pulling teeth. I didn’t even have to work this hard to get Matilda to eat her dinner, and that was one fussy eater. “Any chance there’s more to this story?”
“Me being happy.”
Well, shit.
