“Loaded question.”
“One that needs an answer.” Mia shifted in my lap and her bony ass dug into me, making me moan in pain. “What was the one thing that made all your worries fade away?”
“Freedom. I used to just be free to just be.” The moment the words were out of my mouth I wished I could take them back. I was a horrible, horrible person. What sort of mother wanted freedom? “I didn’t mean…”
I jumped up, sending Mia tumbling to the floor at my feet. I tugged at my hair, feeling the sting. I hated myself for saying it.
“No one will ever know. It’s just me, Josie. It doesn’t make you a bad mum or even a bad person. It makes you human. When was the last time you felt it?”
“Felt what?”
“Felt like the Josie who used to steal my makeup and drag me out in the middle of the night to go dancing. The Josie who woke me up and forced me to boot camp because she thought it would make me feel better. The Josie who rolled my first joint. The Josie who convinced me skinny dipping in the bay was a good idea.”
“Hey! It was a great idea…”
“It wasn’t even nine degrees!”
“It was fun though.”
“Off topic here…”
“Sorry.”
“You’re not. But yes, it was. But when was the last time you felt like that?”
“Like doing something crazy?”
“Mmph.” My mind went into overdrive. When was the last time I felt that happy? That free?
Then it hit me. Like a fucking runaway train, heading downhill without brakes. Since Matilda was born I’d only felt like that a handful of times. And they all had something in common. Nate-fucking-Mitchell.
