Chapter 9
Josie
Fuck me dead! I was in love.
I’d been on the back of a bike once before and hated every minute of it. I hadn’t trusted the guy driving and he’d known it. He’d gone too fast, taken the corners too sharp, and generally tried to scare the crap out of me. And he’d succeeded. I swore when I got off and finished throwing up in the garden I’d never again get on another bike. Nate was different, though. He was cautious and fluid, but still a hell of a lot of fun. At one point, I’d screamed as we tore down the road. I hoped the too big helmet muffled my sounds, but even if it didn’t, I wouldn’t be embarrassed. I couldn’t be. This was the most fun I’d had in a long time. I never wanted to get off.
As we crossed the rickety old bridge leading into the town, I found I was disappointed the ride was over. I didn’t want it to be. It was just so exhilarating. As afraid as I’d been when we’d set off, now I had the desire to let go of Nate completely and hold my arms up in the air. Just embrace it. Maybe next time. If there was a next time. If not, maybe I’d invest in a bike of my own one day.
Turning into the street, I spotted Derek’s truck in the driveway and him standing there with a bucket of soapy water and no shirt. Spotting us, he dropped the sponge in the bucket and wandered to the end of the drive, where Nate brought the bike to a halt. The moment he held out his hand to help me off, tingles shot through my body. And when I found my feet, my knees almost buckled beneath me.
“Shit, Josie, you all right there?” Derek asked as he rushed to my side.
I couldn’t tell him the truth. I was too embarrassed. Instead, I just nodded and pulled off my helmet, handing it back to Nate, careful to make sure our fingers didn’t touch. After flashing him a tight smile, I headed for the house. Right now I needed some space to get my head together. Yeah, space and a cold shower. Definitely a cold shower. At least it would put out these thoughts that were boiling my blood.
Stepping inside the house, I could hear singing. Mia’s terrible, off key, sounds-like-someone-murdering-a-cat type singing. She shouldn’t be allowed to sing. Derek and I spent god knows how many hours laughing at her for it, but she loved it. And the moment we teased her, she just got louder. But it wasn’t just Mia’s voice I could hear. Following the god awful noise, I found myself standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Mia and Zoe were perched on the side of the bath, Matilda was splashing about.
“Having fun in here?”
All three heads shot up with surprise. They hadn’t been expecting anyone to be there. Matilda was covered from head to toe in bubbles and Zoe wasn’t faring much better. They looked like they were having so much fun, part of me was jealous I wasn’t invited, and then I remembered why. That’s right. I’d been wrapped around the sexiest piece of man meat I’d ever seen. Just the memory of being pressed up against those shoulders I’d spent the majority of the day admiring from afar. And up close, they didn’t disappoint. And that smell. Oh. My. God. Even through the river water and sunscreen and dirt he smelt delectable.
“Mum!” Matilda called out, and all thoughts of the dreamy guy who sent my pulse sky rocketing were forgotten. Matilda was my world. My whole world. She was what I needed to focus on.
“Hey Munchkin. Did you have a good day with Jenna?”
She splashed so hard and with so much unabashed enthusiasm that both Zoe and Mia were instantly drenched and I was doubled over with laughter. “Have fun, girls.”
“Wait! Where are you going?” Zoe called out as I walked from the room.
“For a shower. You’ve got this under control.”
Without another word, I went to my room, gathered up some clean, dry clothes, and headed for Mia’s ensuite. I loved that I could do this. That I had someone I trusted enough with the most precious thing in my life and know that whatever happened, Matilda would be safe and happy.
***
“So…Nate, huh?”
As I tipped back my glass, I drained the last of my drink. The wine tasted so good and took the edge off. I’d already put Matilda to bed for the night and now we were sitting about outside enjoying the evening breeze, just chatting. I should have known an interrogation was coming. It was inevitable, really. All night I’d been catching weird looks and snippets of conversations that stilted whenever I entered a room.
“He seems like a nice guy,” Zoe added.
I didn’t really know Zoe, but she seemed like she belonged. She loved Derek and got along with Mia like she could have been a long lost sister, so I had no worries there. The only issue I had, I didn’t know her. And not her past, which was made pretty clear that that was off limits, but I didn’t know the Zoe she was today. I mean, she’d taken over running Mia’s gym and that was Mia’s pride and joy, yet she trusted her. Implicitly. I know it should have been enough, and it was, it just wasn’t enough for me to want to open up and spill my secrets in front of her. That was hard enough with someone I knew.
“Josie, I gotta ask…where’s Matilda’s father?” Derek probed as gently as he could.
Matilda was already two months old and growing every day. My miracle was the only thing that kept me going. But she was also the one destroying me. She didn’t sleep. Like ever. Every hour, just as I’d start to drift off, she’d awake, screaming. I’d change her, feed her, burp her, but nothing helped. I was tired. So damn tired. Mia was my saviour. She’d come to my rescue before I reached the end of my rope. It was like she knew, even before I did when I was about to snap and say something I didn’t mean. Something I couldn’t take back. Something I’d regret.
“Gone.”
Matilda’s father was not someone I wanted to talk about. Not now. Not ever.
“Does he know, you know, about her?”
Derek wasn’t trying to be an ass. He would never do that. He was a man of few words, but when he did use them, you knew he meant every single one.
Figuring he wasn’t about to let sleeping dogs lie, I answered him the best I could. “Yes and no.” He quirked his eyebrow at me, so I continued. Reluctantly. “Matilda’s father and I were together a couple of times. We weren’t a couple, and it was never supposed to be anything serious. Just some fun, you know? When I found out I was pregnant, I was fucking terrified. It wasn’t like I had a whole bunch of people I could tell and ask for help. Mia…well, I didn’t want to hurt her…”
“She would have been there for you. You know that, right?”
