Chapter 1
Josie
Scrunching my eyes closed as tight as they’d go, I willed the pain away. This was excruciating. Why women voluntarily choose to push a watermelon out of their hooha is a complete mystery to me. Hissing in a breath, I squeezed the hand holding mine, ignoring their whiney protest as I clamped down and waited for the agony to subside.
“You’re doing great, Josie! Just rest now.”
I wanted to kick her in the face. And not just once.
The view from where I was lying was not pretty. My knees were hiked up in the air. A teeny, tiny, mouse of a woman crouched between them, looking up at me, her insignificant brown eyes full of hope. The worst part though, the part that made me want to clamp my knees together, was the fact that every time she opened her mouth, a bubbly blonde cheerleader came out. Waving her pom-poms with way too much enthusiasm. Perhaps if I’d kept my knees together in the first place, I wouldn’t be in this predicament.
A cool cloth dabbed at my forehead, wiping away the sweat beading there. I felt like shit. I wanted nothing more than to climb off this uncomfortable plastic mattress and stand under the scalding hot water for a month. Feeling more than a little sorry for myself, I looked up at the woman beside me. The one holding my hand. The one who knew exactly what I needed before I even knew I needed it. My sister. Suddenly, everything I was going through was insignificant.
Mia was right here with me.
In the moment when I needed her the most, the moment we both knew would be the hardest thing in the world for her to go through, she was still here, holding my hand and feeding me ice chips. I was a fucking horrible person.
“You’re doing great, Josie!” she promised, resting her forehead against mine and pushing the wild strands of hair from my sweaty forehead.
My heart broke.
No, it didn’t break. It shattered. Into a million tiny shards that felt like they were tearing my insides apart. And worst of all, I knew I deserved nothing less.
As the tears threatened to surface, I forced my eyes shut to hold back the overwhelming tidal wave of emotion. For some reason, in that moment I couldn’t shake the image from my mind of the day I’d shown up, looking like a drowned rat on her doorstep.
***
Two months earlier…
I stood on the curb staring at the house. I knew I was in the right place. The illuminated blue sign out the front proudly pronouncing the Police Station’s presence gave it away. It was cold and miserable and matched my sullen mood perfectly. The wind howled and cut through me painfully as I tried to pull my threadbare jacket tighter around my bulging belly. There was no give there. The spitty rain dotted my face with icy drops. Above me the sky was dark and daunting. Maybe it was a sign of what was to come.
I didn’t have high hopes.
I didn’t deserve to.
For months I’d been dodging my sister. Sure I returned her text messages and spoke to her on the phone, but it was all superficial bullshit. The secret I was carrying around was growing bigger every day. Literally. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her. There was the very real possibility it would destroy her. Destroy us. I left my bag in the car. I wasn’t in the position to make assumptions. Even if I was, I assumed I’d be crashing in a cold, lonely hotel room tonight, not in my sister’s guest room.
The rain grew heavier and I couldn’t stand there any longer. At this point, I couldn’t afford to get sick, and with my wet hair plastering itself to my face, I knew I had to move, much to my feet’s indignation. Hugging my chest, I waddled up the path until I came face to face with the solid wood door. Running my hand through my sopping hair, I sucked in a deep breath and pressed the buzzer.
I didn’t want anyone to be home.
I didn’t want to do this.
Fuck!
It felt like forever before the light above my head flickered on and I heard the definitive click of the lock unlatching. I tasted the bile in the back of my throat and the compulsion to bend over the railing and lose my lunch in the flowerbed was more appealing than ever.
The door cracked open, and the first glimpse I got was of the most delicious set of washboard abs I’d seen in a long time. A very long time. Fuck, my sister was one lucky girl. Dragging my eyes up, I took in Derek’s wide, solid chest, noticing the smattering of dark hair, and my fingers itched. I was horny. Beyond normally so. It had been too long, and I had too many hormones filling me to make this bearable. He was delicious. Wearing only a pair of sinfully low riding black basketball shorts, which were doing nothing to hide the discernible bulge tenting the front. The boy made my mouth water. But the moment my eyes met his, it was like my heated body had been plunged into an ice bath. Derek’s shock was more than obvious. His eyes were wide like saucers as he took in my swollen belly.
“Josie?” It came out breathlessly.
“H-hi, Derek,” I managed. Barely.
“Hurry up, Derek! Make them go away!” I heard Mia’s voice echoing down the hall. It was her happy voice. The one that more often than not pissed me off. Just as hearing her sing song voice was enough to break me. I couldn’t hold back the tears a second longer. Being full of pregnancy hormones sucked ass.
Without a word, Derek stepped towards me, pulling the door closed behind him, leaving us staring at each other on his veranda. When his mouth fell open, I was waiting for him to say the words and send me away. It’s what I was expecting. What I deserved. But I should have known better. From the moment Derek had swept into Mia’s life, he’d never once done what was normal. Expected. It was something I admired about him. Something I was a little jealous of, truthfully. He didn’t seem to care about others’ opinions or what was seen to be the right thing. Derek always just did what felt right to him. Luckily, what was right for him was Mia. Instead of sending me on my way, he pulled me into his arms and squeezed me tight. Until that moment I’d never understood the whole ‘a hug can make you better’ thing. It was more than a thing. It was real.
I don’t know if we stood like that, my face smashed against his chest while I sobbed and him soothing me, for minutes or hours. One thing I was absolutely positive of though, was I didn’t want it to end. After placing a comforting kiss on my temple, he whispered into my ear, “She doesn’t know, does she?”
